Posted on 06/06/2023 4:30:40 PM PDT by DallasBiff
Dear Jane,
I feel like an awful person for saying this but, I don't want my bridesmaid's autistic son to come to my wedding because I'm panicking that he's going to ruin what is meant to be my special, once-in-a-lifetime day
Dear Bewildered Bride,
Huge congratulations to you on your wedding, which I imagine you may have dreamed about for a long time. Of course you want it to be a perfect day and I am sorry you find yourself in what feels like an impossible situation. Any of us who know people raising children with autism know how very challenging it can be.
We also know that children with autism often get overwhelmed by new situations, new people, over-stimulation, and crowds. In fact, an occasion like a wedding would seem to be something that is likely to prove very problematic. International best-selling author offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her weekly Dear Jane agony aunt column
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I think there are two options here, given that I don't know the finer details. You have already said that you can't accommodate him, which isn't leading to the result you want. Your first option is to keep this boundary firm, for it is supposed to be the one day of the year where you get to dictate what you want
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
ping
What kid wants to go to a wedding anyway.
And the fiance should run for the hills NOW. “MY BIG DAY.” Not “OUR big day.”
It’s the bride’s day not the child’s. She determines who is and is not there.
I see your point in posting them.
But....I am skeptical that the stories are real. IOW, fake but accurate.
I think part of the problem here, is that the bride will lose her bridesmaid, if she doesn’t allow the son to be at the wedding.
The bride is right, but shouldn’t have put her friend in the wedding.
It’s not an unusual request to demand “No Children” at formal weddings. I’m with the bride on this one.
If the bridesmaid might just be somewhat preoccupied with her child and she cannot find an at home sitter - then she should back out.
I’m on the side of the bride on this. It’s one thing for the antics of a normal child that makes a wedding unique, like the flower girl who runs out of flowers that she is throwing or a kid that speaks up when he ought not, but somebody with autism can be absolutely disruptive if he’s revved up or upset.
The bridesmaid should either find a babysitter or, if she can’t afford it, have the bride pay for it. Or some other arrangement where somebody is watching the child.
The kid wouldn’t get anything out of it anyway. He wouldn’t likely even remember because it’s not relevant to him.
Reset your wedding, disallow all children not directly related to the Bride or Grooms family. Better yet, have a private ceremony, and quit thinking it is a good or smart thing to have “a destination wedding”. Keep it small, and have fun instead of the stress and cost of “YOUR BIG DAY”.
Lose the bridesmaid or lose the wedding…
Not much of a choice here.
Buh- by bridesmaid
If you read the article, sounds like he was part of the decision.
My fiancé and I decided pretty early on that we didn't want kids at our wedding, but we've made a few concessions for close family members whose children are going to be a part of the ceremony.
You are correct. The Bride knew her friend’s son had behaviior issues prior to asking her to be the Brides’s Maid. It is the Bride’s mistake in not covering this issue at the time she asked he friend to be part of the wedding party. Bringing up up just prior to the wedding shows she was thoughtless about her friends most important family member/child.
All that being said, we have a supposedly autistic boy in our church. His mother is a child psychologist. I thing the boy needed to be told how to behave at 2 though 5 and now at 8 it is too late. Therefore she calls it autism and is creating a mentally ill child. The kid will be messed up in other ways as the dad is the most whipped milquetoast guy one can imagine.
Assign 2 people to take the child out of the sanctuary during the ceremony. If the mother refuses, she is the problem.
In Spain, it is cultural to include complete families - including all kids - at weddings.
In fact, my wife almost kept me from attending our wedding. She was afraid I'd ruin her big day by making a sarcastic remark at the reception about my new in-laws or not saying the vows correctly.
I came thisclose to having my younger brother stand-in as groom for my new wife as he was a bit sharper looking and knew when to keep his mouth shut..
She likely would have let me sneak into the bridal suite with her later that night but she really didn't want me at the ceremony as she feared I'd muck it up somehow.
Fortunately I didn't or at least I didn't think I screwed up that day. Except when I went to feed her the cake, I dropped the slice to the floor. Fortunately, I had the common sense to cut another slice out of the cake as opposed to picking the slice off the floor and trying to feed it to her anyway. The three second rule was definitely violated.
You’re an unusual fellow.
There is a vast array of behavior covered by the term autism.
Spanish people like kids. If you ever have to eat out with kids find a Spanish place or an Irish place.
Couldn’t she gotten married to you using a proxy, so you wouldn’t have to be there?
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