St. Patrick Glad He Brought Christianity To The Anglo-Saxons So Their Descendants Could Get Plastered And Punch Each Other

The Babylon Bee ^ | March 17, 2023 | The Babylon Bee

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

IRELAND — Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, expressed great pride that he was able to bring Christianity to the Anglo-Saxons so their descendants could commemorate it each year by gathering in mobs, get fall-down, hammered drunk, and commit various acts of aggravated assault on each other on March 17.

"It really makes all of the hard work and sacrifice all worth it," Patrick said when reached posthumously for comment on the holiday named after him. "I really risked life and limb to preach the gospel to an entire nation populated by bloodthirsty, pagan barbarians. It's a real relief to see their descendants spend every March 17 getting three sheets to the wind and ending up in jail. Warms my heart!"

Patrick went down in history as the man widely recognized for Christianizing the Picts and Anglo-Saxon people, a feat now celebrated by everyone dressing as fictional leprechaun characters, pinching anyone who forgets to wear green clothing, and becoming insanely intoxicated. Now, several centuries after his death, St. Patrick looks back on his life's work philosophically. "I guess being known as the guy with the clovers is just as good," he said. "It's better than not being remembered for anything, right?"

Historians said it could be worse. "Patrick should be thankful he's not St. Valentine," said Professor Blake Rumsey of the Historical Figures Think Tank at Cambridge University. "That dude was beaten with clubs and rocks and then beheaded."

At publishing time, Patrick was last seen shaking his head and rolling his eyes as he watched roving gangs of drunk millennials committing horrible crimes while shouting "Happy St. Patrick's Day! Wooo!"

[imabadboy99]

you mean “so their descendants could commit suicide and hand their nations over to muslims and adopt the false religion of diversity.”

[Chad C. Mulligan]

The historical Irish were Celts, not Anglo-Saxons.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

That, too.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

Irish Intervention: “I’ll bring the Harps, you bring the Jameson!” :)

[GOP_Party_Animal]

Yeah, I thought that was odd too.

[Carriage Hill]

Which was the greatest miracle?
That St Patty drove all the snakes out of Ireland?
Or that they all wound-up in America, as lawyers?

[jjotto]

Babylon Bee. I think it’s an attempt at a joke about non-Irish getting drunk and rowdy celebrating St. Patrick’s Day.

[jmacusa]

Anytime you get four Irishmen together a ‘’fifth’’ always shows up.

[seowulf]

St. Patrick, (flourished 5th century, Britain and Ireland; feast day March 17), patron saint and national apostle of Ireland, credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland and probably responsible in part for the Christianization of the Picts and Anglo-Saxons.

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Patrick

[Diana in Wisconsin]

:)

[jjotto]

Eight hundred years getting out from under the boot heel of London, and a generation or so later, surrendering to Brussels and German/French boot heels, and surrendering to Muslim invasion. There are no words…

[MikeSteelBe]

Who sits around the pool on saint Patrick's day?

Patio furniture

[MeganC]

The Irish do not get drunk. They merely drive out the demon of sobriety!

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

☑

[NWFree]

Any excuse to get rip roaring drunk.

[Secret Agent Man]

And have leaders their vote abortion in across Ireland

[Billthedrill]

He did other stuff too...

[jmacusa]

LOL!

[Chad C. Mulligan]

The Picts were in Scotland. The Angles and Saxons were in what is now called England. Whether Patrick had much if anything to do personally with Christianizing the Saxons is unlikely, but it is well known that Celtic missionaries carried the Word from Ireland to northern England in the century after Patrick is believed to have lived.