Posted on 03/15/2023 11:31:09 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
DES MOINES, IA — A local couple has discovered the perfect deterrent to help them handle rowdy children. The exasperated mother and father warned their overly rambunctious kids that if they didn't start behaving, they would take them to Applebee's for dinner.
"Worked like a charm! They quieted down right away!" said relieved dad, Michael Tucci. "They have been acting up all day long, whining, bickering, misbehaving…but we fixed that real quick with a simple threat of taking them to a God-forsaken hellscape of greasy, tasteless food guaranteed to cause indigestion."
Michael returned home from work to learn that the children had been a handful for his wife, Marianna, all day. "I had tried every method I could think of," Marianna said. "They just wouldn't behave. In the end, we had no other alternative. We had to scare them with Applebee's. Let's face it, who wouldn't be scared by that? We would have gone through with it, too, though it would have hurt us even more than it hurt them!"
At the mere mention of going to Applebee's, a look of sheer terror overtook the children's faces, and they immediately began to respect and honor their mother and father. "No! Don't!" shouted one of the kids. "Ground us! Take away our toys! Beat us with a wooden spoon! We'll do whatever you tell us! Just no Applebee's!"
The couple now recommends the "Applebee's method" to any parents struggling with defiant children. "It works wonders!" Marianna said. "It's a punishment that really puts the fear of God into them!"
At publishing time, the Tucci kids were frantically cleaning their rooms and doing chores around the house to avoid a threatened trip to Buffalo Wild Wings.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I don’t get it. “If you don’t behave you’ll get an awesome cheeseburger and great fries and really good desserts in a fun clean comfortable environment”?
That would make me misbehave.
Sometimes the Babylon Bee misses the mark. This is one of those times.
Somebody doesn’t like Applebee’s.
Yep. I like both Buffalo Wild Wings and Applebee’s.......I’m not gettin’ it 🤔
I like McGuire’s in downtown Pensacola, personally. I haven’t been to Applebees in years, so I don’t know what the quality of their food is like now.
They must have hired a metrosexual from New York.
I don’t get the joke. I don’t eat at Applebees, but it’s just one of hundreds of cookie cutter chain restaurants in this country, all of which have identical menus.
Is Applebee’s getting an extraordinary amount of pop culture hate that I don’t know about?
This threat would be effective for four of my six kids plus my wife. They threaten me with the sushi place in town.
I thought Chucky Cheese was the craptastic place to go, with pizza like cardboard, etc.
Mmmmm! The "4 B's"! Blazin', Boneless, with Blue cheese, with a Beer!
What I mean by that was that the bar was well lit and surrounding the bar were tables with families and children. Women felt safe congregating at the bar after work without too much fear of some sleazy men trying to pick them up.
When I was on business trips, I would usually sit at the bar there and have a meal if there was one near my hotel (and their usually was). I saw how happy the women were and remember seeing how safe they felt. Even with the likes of me having a Bourbon Street steak and tall mug of beer sitting right next to them. I wasn't trying to pick them up, it just wasn't that type of place anyhow.
Well I believe the bars are still "woman-safe" but the food and service at the tables has really gone downhill. Our casual eating places these days are more like Longhorn's or Texas Roadhouse - though they really do need to bring the barrel of peanuts back to the TR.
Is the Babylon Bee making so much money now that the writers’ kids expect to go to The French Laundry? Or at least Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse?
I wonder if Applebee’s is becoming associated with something for old people now, like what happened with Facebook?
Both times i ate at Applebee’s was a disaster.
gross
Understanding the humor of satire here, I’m willing to misbehave.
Applebees is definitely the worst of that category of restaurant. They do good charity breakfasts though.
It’s a joke, everyone... Calm down.
Now if they had said ‘McDonald’s’ that would be different. We’d have to call Child Welfare.
That’s child abuse 😂 Jeez, I won’t even go to Applebees.
Been my experience that the quality of food at Applebees will vary from restaurant to restaurant depending on the manager and crew running it........the one by me stated out outstanding.......now however, we haven’t been in probably a year.....why? well, let’s just say it’s just one more victim of diversity and I’ll leave it at that 😏
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