Posted on 03/04/2023 8:30:15 AM PST by Cronos
I have shared an office and a train home five days a week for 20 years with a chap I’ll call T. He calls me his “work wife”.
He does have a real wife and family. I’m many years divorced. Our relationship is very sibling-ish, and we’ve become, over the years, very close – we share things we don’t share with our “real” friends and family and just by virtue of the time spent together, we have shared a lot of our lives. We have never socialised outside work, aside from at work functions, and have never been to each other’s homes.
The thing is, we’re both retiring this year. And the chances are we will not see each other again, since that’s not the relationship we have. And I know I will miss him.
I’ll miss the everyday closeness, the banter, the laughs, the rants. I imagine he feels the same at some level (we don’t talk about things like that). How does one navigate ending relationships like this? Because I know it’ll end – it’s not that we don’t have all kinds of things in common, but without the framework of work, would we have anything real?
It’s the only drawback to retirement for me. I have other (female) work friends who I know I will see because we do socialise outside of work anyway, but I shall miss T. Any suggestions for finding a way to maintain a relationship, or should I just accept that this is one of the things that retirement does, and let it go?
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Work gives us an excuse to cultivate very close friendships that, outside the “office” may require more explanation or may just not be possible. It’s a safe way, to get very close to someone
(Excerpt) Read more at theguardian.com ...
Totally agree. I actually enjoy the company of women and had them as friends in the past. But had no interest in anything else.
Yep. Steer clear. Or get burned.
i was answering the freeper who said if “she’s old or ugly, he won’t bed her” (paraphrasing)
Maria looks like the cryptkeeper and Charles was in love with Camilla a long time before he married D.
we have started meeting casually with former work friends and its nice...
but a working life means lots of socialization and interaction and the loss of that is the worse part of retirement.
He’s retiring as well so he’s old and possibly ugly as well.
Sometimes, a whole group of coworkers who worked together for decades become close friends, and they stay in contact in retirement. But, most people move on. I don't think this woman should stay in contact with her married coworker. They only talked because they sat next to each other.
What does one do with work relations after one retired?
Speak up nobody reads minds say how you feel.
I recommend a Facebook or other forum for former employees. Can keep in touch with limited interaction.
Had a single female co-worker and close friend for almost 20 years. She retired over a year ago, and is now in Tennessee. Although I stay in touch, I’m kind of grieving the loss almost like it was a death. Never had any hanky-panky going on, but definitely seemed like a partner relationship. I miss her a lot.
Yep. Guaranteed, if they’re both halfway normal males and females.
Of course it’s not my problem. But it’s my Christian duty to help her.
Many people who retire move away at some point to be near their grandchildren, or to move to a home they built for retirement.
The answer is that work relationships do fade, and the best one can do is keep up with Holiday cards/newsletters once a year and an occasional email when a former coworker passes away.
-PJ
With all due respect, I disagree.
Good luck, sir. Hope it goes well.
Since he has had a wife and family for all these years he may not feel the same way you do. You might try being honest and calling his wife to ask if the three of you can have dinner occasionally since you miss the wonderful person who was such a great aid to the job for twenty years.
Dr. Laura used to say:
“What do you get when you rescue a damsel in distress? A distressed damsel.”
She should set up a group lunch that includes the guy and other women she’d worked with at the job.
“Take my advice. Not your problem. Say nothing.”
That’s a question I’ve been pondering for a while. What should the limits of compassion be?
In many ways, a lot of the problems we have in this country is the result of an overabundance of compassion, especially what I call “pathological compassion” such as what is showered on druggies or the homeless or just lazy bums.
Something that would be much better for them (and society) would be to administer a good dose of tough love.
In a lot of respect, compassion needs to be earned.
I find the idea of “unconditional love” to be BS.
The last 20 years of my military career were spent at the Air National Guard base in the town I lived in most of my adult life. We still keep in touch via a retiree Facebook page, a monthly get together and other ways.
“Depends on if you liked ‘em or not.......and if they liked you”
It’s really that simple!
They have a GROUP of people that get together. Odd she doesn’t realize the danger in how she views this work relationship.
But then again, with the norms of society broken I guess it isn’t a surprise.
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