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FDA Says No Link Between Taco Bell And Diarrhea, Declares Food 'Safe And Effective'
babylonBee ^ | feb. 9, 2023 | babylonbee

Posted on 02/10/2023 11:48:56 AM PST by BipolarBob

IRVINE, CA — FDA officials specializing in the field of genuine Mexican food have released a comprehensive, peer-reviewed report confirming no link between eating Taco Bell and immediately suffering from explosive diarrhea, and that Taco Bell was "safe and effective."

Some say the FDA's comprehensive meta-analysis may be enough to firmly place suggestions that Taco Bell causes a "Blitz in the Britches" to be unmistakable lies drummed up by conspiracy theorists.

"The Science has spoken, thus concluding Taco Bell to be the source of neither Trouser Slop, Heavy Shartillery, nor Chino Cappuccino," said FDA spokesman, Ron Schitzfeldt, "Anyone claiming their Cheesy Gordita Crunch Wrap Supreme™ led to an evening dancing the Dirty Dungaree Disco is willfully distributing misinformation and should be held accountable."

Mainstream media outlets reported on the FDA's claim distancing the fast-food chain from acute cases of the Battle of Waterloo and went further to insist that never, in the history of food franchises, have there been reports of Taco Bell causing a 21-Gun Gastric Salvo.

CNN's Don Lemon went so far as to purchase and eat a Taco Bell Spicy Double-Steak Grilled Cheese Burrito™ during his live 10:00 am segment in front of dozens of viewers. The broadcast was cut short, however, due to unknown technical difficulties, and not due to Lemon suffering a Crackpocalypse.

At publishing time, CDC officials had announced an investigation into why people who watched CNN were all getting diarrhea.


TOPICS: Food; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; isthisthebee; tacobell
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To: BipolarBob

Taco Hell


21 posted on 02/10/2023 12:18:17 PM PST by Ouderkirk (The modern world demands that we approve what it should not even dare ask us to tolerate.)
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To: BipolarBob

“Safe and digestive”


22 posted on 02/10/2023 12:18:58 PM PST by Doctor Congo
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To: BipolarBob

Taco Bell spokes-chihauhau Dr. Antone Farty is recommending everyone over the age of 8 to quarantine in the bathroom unless they can show their Taco Bell Perks card has been updated, proving they wont have explosive ****


23 posted on 02/10/2023 12:43:41 PM PST by z3n (Kakistocracy)
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To: BipolarBob

Chino Cappuccino.... I an in tears here.

I roast coffee as one of my myriad of hobbies. Next roast I hand out to friends and family is going to be named that. I will not tell them to really think about the name till much later.

I am on the floor.


24 posted on 02/10/2023 12:54:55 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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I’m still a Taco Bell denier.


25 posted on 02/10/2023 12:56:23 PM PST by Steve Van Doorn (*in my best Eric Cartman voice* 'I love you, guys')
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To: BipolarBob
I ain't your average punk rock loser.
26 posted on 02/10/2023 12:58:59 PM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar

Pudding pops my FRiend, El Campeador... chocolate or vanilla whatever your preference. ROTFLMAO to roll out an ancient acronym.


27 posted on 02/10/2023 12:59:33 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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To: BipolarBob

Friday News DUMP !
.
Sammy Skidmark from Brown Circle Speedway!
Back to You, Shlitz.


28 posted on 02/10/2023 1:01:11 PM PST by Big Red Badger (The Truman Show)
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To: BipolarBob

No comment from White Castle or Chipotle.


29 posted on 02/10/2023 1:01:27 PM PST by kaktuskid
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To: Lazamataz

Thank you Laz. Never heard of the group and they are a modern Primus. Score for my playlist. I will be listening more. I have Polk 7b’s counter-stacked (To keep the point source) on 10a’s driven by a Yammy cr-1020 because the 2020 needs to go to the shop for fixeration ;-( Bad cap I suspect.


30 posted on 02/10/2023 1:11:46 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

They are an interesting new addition to the Alt/Indie lineup. I always keep my ears open for a new artist with a different new sound.


31 posted on 02/10/2023 1:15:06 PM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: Lazamataz

You should start a ping list. Ever heard that crazy Mongolian rock band... The Hu.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM8dCGIm6yc

Extreme and paradigm breaking.


32 posted on 02/10/2023 1:25:37 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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To: BipolarBob

Once after my wife had abdominal surgery, the only thing that got her digestive tract functioning again was a Taco Bell Burrito Supreme with green sauce.


33 posted on 02/10/2023 1:26:54 PM PST by HartleyMBaldwin
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

Oh, I know The Hu!

Interesting idea, a playlist pinglist. :^)


34 posted on 02/10/2023 1:27:52 PM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: BipolarBob

My unpopular food take: Taco Bell is the least unhealthiest fast food option.


35 posted on 02/10/2023 1:30:25 PM PST by Drew68 (Ron DeSantis for President 2024)
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

One thing about The Hu, if they were across the battlefield from you in about 1400AD, if they started singing, this would be quite intimidating.


36 posted on 02/10/2023 1:30:43 PM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: Lazamataz

I am not a dumb woman trapped in a mans body, I am a know it all lesbo trapped in a happily married gray beard. ;-)

I love playlists. Do it. Become our DJ.


37 posted on 02/10/2023 1:32:48 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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To: Lazamataz

For sure... Look at the people that live in the coldest city in the Russian federation some time. People that live in temps our nuts would shrink up into our shoulders when they think it is T Shirt weather. This is why Attila was so scary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz4ZMLsPzqM

The Yakutzians are scary.


38 posted on 02/10/2023 1:37:22 PM PST by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body... gives me more rights. )
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To: BipolarBob

The FDA further stated that they will no longer require Taco Bell to install new 24-stall restrooms at each Taco Bell location.

39 posted on 02/10/2023 1:41:48 PM PST by Songcraft
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To: dfwgator

All restaurants are Taco Bell now.


40 posted on 02/10/2023 1:44:10 PM PST by MortMan (You better bring yours, when you come to take mine. - Creed Fisher)
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