Posted on 01/05/2023 8:38:18 PM PST by grundle
Julia Naftulin writes Insider's dating, sex, and relationships advice column Doing It Right.Julia Naftulin
My ex and I were high school sweethearts. We dated for 10 years, moved to two cities together, and talked about marriage.
In August 2021, my ex suddenly said he had to end the relationship to be alone. He said he didn't know if he could ever get married.
A year and a half later, I've learned how to practice self-compassion, ask for help, and find gratitude after grief.
When my ex-boyfriend sat me down to break up with me in August 2021, I didn't realize it was happening. He had to sit me down again the next day to make sure I understood. He needed to move on, alone, without me.
We dated for 10 years, starting during our junior year of high school. Throughout that time, we talked about marriage and moved to two different cities together. Sure, the pandemic put a strain on our relationship, but I thought it was par for the course. I imagined we could get through anything together because I loved him, our love, and the memories we shared. I loved how our high school friendship became so much more, how we grew up together, and how he felt like the first man who really wanted to know me. For him, I learned, that wasn't enough.
For a few months, I could barely eat or go a day without crying. It felt like my world had collapsed and I was left alone to figure out what to do with the rubble.
A year and a half later, after bouts of extreme sadness, anger, and confusion, I've found closure. It's something an earlier version of myself couldn't have imagined.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
Searched her:
https://i.redd.it/ymg0rh1crww31.jpg
She could be “interesting”, more evidence required.
Be careful that you don’t refer to the ‘bi- joke’ - could get you cancelled.
:-)
If he’s been your “boyfriend” for ten years I’d say you didn’t really want to marry him.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but......she’s overweight and she’s about to hit the wall. Chunky 30-somethings are NOT what guys are looking for.
She needs to embark on a crash course of dieting, hitting the gym hard and looking for a good man RIGHT NOW. DO NOT WAIT. Once every single last day of her 20s is gone, her ability to get a good man will go way down.
“He got the best 10 years of her life. He may have “talked” about marriage, but talk is meaningless. Why should he buy the cow when he was getting the milk for free?”
I’m 64 and I feel that my best years are still ahead of me. True I can’t do many of the things I used to do when younger but I’ve adapted and am enjoying learning new things or how to do tasks smarter instead of harder.
I could maybe understand up to about age 23. OK, they were boyfriend and girlfriend in college. Most don’t expect to get married in college - at least not nowadays. But if they were still together at 23 after having dated through HS and college and he didn’t want to marry her, it was time for her to move on.
The early to mid 20s are a woman’s prime years. That is her peak attractiveness to men and the time when she is probably going to do the best she ever will in terms of getting a good man. It declines a little by the late 20s but her “market power” is still pretty strong especially if she stays in good shape. But, her ability to get good men falls off a cliff when she hits 30.
That’s not what society says nowadays. Its not what women want to hear. But it is the truth.
The Scamdemic gave a lot a Branch Covidians the opportunity to show their true selves.
The "strain" she describes is likely that they had to spend time together without distractions and just couldn't do it.
I’ve known guys whose daughters got caught in this trap where they moved in with their long term boyfriends thinking they would eventually get married. The guy strings them along for years until he finds something better or she gets pregnant and he dumps her. Women don’t realize that as they get past their mid 20s their prospects decrease while men’s are increasing. If you MUST move in together have a ring and a firm wedding date. That’s what I told my daughters and they are all happily married.
So:
You’re are not as good as you once were; but you are as good once as you ever were? ;-)
I married my high school sweetheart... 50 years later still married. I lucked out.. same size she was in high school, 5’3” and 110, me on the other hand.
What you say is so true.
“The early to mid 20s are a woman’s prime years. That is her peak attractiveness to men and the time when she is probably going to do the best she ever will in terms of getting a good man. It declines a little by the late 20s but her “market power” is still pretty strong especially if she stays in good shape. But, her ability to get good men falls off a cliff when she hits 30.”
Agree completely. See post 68.
Yeah, Julia did it wrong.
Yup. There's a lesson there, ladies.
Deseree is pissed!
"Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground
You in mid-air
Send in the clowns..."
+1
Yep. The other mistake I see a lot of women make is either buying into the feminazi propaganda that they can play the field or pursue education/career in their 20s and then can always get a good man when they are in their 30s.....wanna bet?.......
OR
They have totally ridiculous unrealistic expectations as to their own attractiveness/market power. (See where women rated 80% of men below average) so they turn down guys who would be good choices in their 20s thinking they’re going to get the millionaire, attractive, self-confident, movie star/male model and nothing less will do. Those guys will give them the ole pump and dump because they can do better themselves. Then, when all of their 20s are gone those women try to circle back and get with the guys they rejected when they were in their 20s....now that those guys are done with their education and have their careers on track. The only problem is those guys A) know those women don’t really want them - just a meal ticket - and think they’re settling and B) those guys want what those women WERE when they were trying to get them....not what they ARE now which is past their prime and bitter because they didn’t get the millionaire movie start their own age when they were in their 20s. In other words, a lot of women let great become the enemy of good. That’s how you end up with nothing.
I’m not hating on them for it. Its a lesson I learned the hard way in my career. I’ve since learned to take good when its offered to me and be happy with that rather than rejecting everything except the longshot great opportunity.
Smart women.....ie your grandmother and her generation...knew to take a man who was a good but not great choice early on and work to mold him into a great husband. If she chose wisely in her 20s, all he would ever see when he looked at her was the girl who chose him when she had other choices she could have made. That holds true when they’re in their 50’s their 60s their 70s etc. That’s a deposit in the bank of goodwill that never run out - at least not if he’s a good man.
She was essentially emotionally married.
The manosnosphere is full of these articles.
“gals, please don’t be strung along”
That’s what I thought when I saw the headline. Ten years of dating?! I gather he was getting 10 years of free sex. But then, I proposed after 3 months...to a woman I met in church...now over 35 years and rising.
She’s got that head-tilt thing going.
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