Posted on 12/29/2022 7:41:34 PM PST by Vigilanteman
Sorry for the shameless vanity but some of you may be able to offer advice for my situation. God designed women to last longer than men, I think, because they are better at carrying on with life after loss of a spouse.
My loving wife of 38 years left me almost two months ago and I still have trouble going out by myself for more than short errands. She was a wonderful, sweet and very traditional lady. She was also a solid conservative who once told me she would never, ever vote for a Democrat even if they were better qualified. When I asked her why, she said because you tend to become like the type of people you choose to associate with . . . logic that even I could not argue with.
We served on our local election board together for nine years, raised three daughters (two of whom insisted Dad come and stay with them and their families immediately after the funeral), enjoyed many ups and downs in our marriage and both grew as a result.
She was full of affection and had a big heart. Everyone loved her because she reached out to so many people. She was kind even to those who didn't deserve it.
Most of the friends that I have is because of her. I'm introverted and shy by nature. She was even the one who led me to get married while I spent months dithering on whether or not I should move our relationship to the next level. For a solid two weeks after she died, I woke up numb and could do little but throw myself into my work as a way to ease the pain.
It is only because of my daughters, one of whom dropped her responsibilities of job and family to fly out to be with me, that I did not become a total basket case.
I have now accepted that she is with the Lord and there is a purpose for me to remain and tarry on this earth. While I am looking for that purpose, I am also counting the many blessings she brought to me. I know I need to be outgoing again and meet more people if, for nothing else, as a way to honor her legacy. But as I said, I am basically a shy guy by nature.
Your advice and wisdom would be appreciated.
Adopt a homeless pet who needs your love.
I might suggest a cat who is a bed hog, even if you do not think you are a cat person
I try not to imagine how I would deal with the loss of my wife.
Here’s what a neighbor has been participating in while dealing with the loss of their spouse: https://www.griefshare.org/
God bless you, FRiend!
a Little compassion is called for, here.
I am so sorry for your deep loss. This is a difficult time of year to have just lost the love of your life (not that any time is good...)
Several of the men I worship with have recently lost their spouses (few months to couple years ago). They regularly share their pain and the challenges of coping with a hurt that may ease over time but will never fade completely.
If you do not already have a church home I urge you to connect with the Lord by assembling with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Jesus heals the brokenhearted!
My friends have also found comfort and a way forward in a grief counseling program the pastor instituted. I am sorry I do not know the name of it, but I am sure you can find something similar if you look for it. The exact program isn’t important — sharing with others with similar needs is where the benefit lies, I think.
May GOD bless you with His peace that passes all understanding, FRiend.
First of all, my condolences to you. I cannot imagine your pain.
The thought that came to mind upon reading your post is that 2 months is really not a very long time. Is it possible that you are expecting too much of yourself? I think you have very good reasons to not feel yet like going out into society right now.
My advice is that you go a little easier on yourself and take time to mourn.
Putting you on my daily prayer list.
May our blessed Lord comfort you.
> Adopt a homeless pet who needs your love <
Good advice.
I have not lost a spouse. I have lost some people whom I loved dearly and will always love: parents, friends, my first serious girlfriend. Two months isn’t a long time. It takes time to work through the grief. I didn’t say get over it. I never have entirely. But the pain gradually eases to something manageable, and we find ways to get moving again with our lives, with blessed and happy memories, even a sense of the presence, of the ones whom we have loved and lost.
So sorry for your loss, but happy for the 38 years you had together...
From your loving description, she was an exceptional woman...
My wife, now 83, and I, now 89, were married in 1960, and I am not sure how I would handle losing my best friend and bass-fishing buddy...
Although, for the past decade, bad knees keep her out of the boat, and, instead, she camps out almost every Tuesday in front of slot machines at the MGM National Harbor...
I lost my wife of 38 years two years ago. My kids saved me. I think you’re on the right path.
Respect her memory and spend as much time with your kids and grandkids as you can. Let them be your light.
Go on trips with your grandkids. Pay for a family cruise for everyone if you can afford it. Have something to look forward to when the lights are out.
I can’t speak to your loss, other than to feel absolute compassion.
But, I know what it is like being a 43 year old who lost his Mom. We just want you to be ok.
This is a human being struggling with the loss of a spouse. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I don’t believe you would act like this in person to someone in front of you expressing his grief and how it is affecting his life, i.e. calling it B.S. and “archaic stereotypical tradcon junk.” If you have any decency in you you would apologize and stop hating on people in happy marriages.
Nah.
I think women tend to live longer because they are more naturally centered in the source of Life.
You guys think we’re ‘hysterical’ and ‘emotional’, but beyond the affect, we’re actually the calmer and more centered of the species.
Have you considered adopting a dog? Get a big one. Golden Retrievers are great!
Go to youtube.com, and search “ Life After Death “. Multiple videos, and testimonies, from those who witnessed the afterlife.
You’ll be comforted in knowing that your wife is very happy now, and you’ll be joining her in this happiness eventually.
I concur. If you don’t have a dog yet. Adopt one who needs a home. My husband and I did this (almost against our will) and it’s been such a blessing these last three years. Never thought I’d ever allow a dog in the house but here we are at age 78 and 84 with our little Emmy Lou who gives us boundless love.
I am so sorry, Vigilanteman.
You have a solid support in place from your daughters, and two months is really not all that long (though not from where you’re at, I realize).
Grief needs time to grieve. Your beloved wife lives on in your beautiful daughters who are there for you. Prayers for your comfort and peace.
You need something to love and something to do. Sometimes they can be the same thing. But you can only discover what will give you new purpose and direction by looking within yourself.
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