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Alex Jones Sentenced To Death
BabylonBee.com ^ | 10-24-2022 | Babylon Bee Staff

Posted on 10/24/2022 9:27:08 AM PDT by servo1969

WATERBURY, CT — After several days of hearings, a Connecticut jury has found Alex Jones guilty of defamation and has sentenced him to death.

"We the jury find Alex Jones guilty on all counts of defamation and have hereby sentenced him to hang from the neck until he is dead," read the presiding juror. "May God have mercy on his soul."

Eyewitnesses say Jones collapsed as the verdict was read.

"We understand this is a civil suit, but Alex Jones is so uniquely evil we decided pursuing the death penalty in this case was appropriate," said a lawyer representing the plaintiffs. "The jury also ruled that Jones must pay a sum of infinity dollars, which is good because our legal fee was eleventy-trillion-thousand dollars."

Jones's lawyers are submitting an appeal, but legal experts predict the appeal will be immediately dismissed on the grounds of Alex Jones being Alex Jones.

The execution is scheduled for next Wednesday.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: alex; babylon; babylonbee; jones; satire

1 posted on 10/24/2022 9:27:08 AM PDT by servo1969
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To: servo1969
The execution is scheduled for next Wednesday.

And Thursday, and Friday...

2 posted on 10/24/2022 9:29:32 AM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: servo1969

I said in an earlier post that if they could have given him the death penalty, they would.


3 posted on 10/24/2022 9:30:51 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Billthedrill

Will the estate be able to pay the eighty trillion gazillion dollars in fines?


4 posted on 10/24/2022 9:31:03 AM PDT by SamAdams76 (4,353,227 active user on Truth Social)
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To: SamAdams76
Will the estate be able to pay the eighty trillion gazillion dollars in fines?

When the estate has been emptied, they will assess the remainder of the fines against everybody who ever watched his shows.

5 posted on 10/24/2022 9:48:37 AM PDT by flamberge (Those who pose the greatest danger to you are living within five miles of you.)
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To: dfwgator
"if they could have given him the death penalty, they would."

That's what's so scary about it.

Also, Alex Jones was successfully convicted of a Speech crime in the United States- where we supposedly have Free Speech.

6 posted on 10/24/2022 10:24:47 AM PDT by Pajamajan ( PRAY FOR OUR NATION. Never be a peaceful slave in new Socialist America.)
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To: servo1969

And Alex has a thick neck...


7 posted on 10/24/2022 10:34:57 AM PDT by windowdude
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To: servo1969

Lordy how I love The Bee


8 posted on 10/24/2022 11:38:30 AM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds )
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To: SamAdams76
Will the estate be able to pay the eighty trillion gazillion dollars in fines?

Well if hyperinflation happens they might just get that much, but it will only buy them a candy bar at that point.
9 posted on 10/24/2022 11:40:18 AM PDT by SlipperySlope99
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To: Pajamajan

You apparently think the govt has passed a law against free speech. They have not. One can still be sued for defamation if one is stupid in there speech

You onviouyfont understand the constitution


10 posted on 10/24/2022 11:40:19 AM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds )
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To: Nifster
The goal of the enemy is to chill, and eventually end, Free Speech.

The conviction of Alex Jones, and the very large monetary penalty he has been ordered to pay, advanced them toward their ultimate goal.

11 posted on 10/24/2022 12:02:32 PM PDT by Pajamajan ( PRAY FOR OUR NATION. Never be a peaceful slave in new Socialist America.)
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To: dfwgator

And to anyone who disagrees with them, too.


12 posted on 10/24/2022 12:04:01 PM PDT by AmericanMermaid
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To: Pajamajan

Alex was insane and defamed these families. He got what he deserved


13 posted on 10/24/2022 12:04:20 PM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds )
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To: servo1969
"... the supreme measure of social defense"
14 posted on 10/24/2022 12:59:23 PM PDT by bassmaner (He y commies: I'm a white male, and guilty of NOTHING! Sell your 'white guilt' elsewhere!)
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To: Nifster
> You onviouyfont understand ...

Joe Biden, is that you?

15 posted on 10/24/2022 4:07:37 PM PDT by dayglored ("Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.")
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To: dayglored

Could be


16 posted on 10/24/2022 7:15:14 PM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds )
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