"Short Jokes to Lighten the Load"
Well, if I could be political, for just one tiny, brief second...
Posted on 09/26/2022 9:50:11 AM PDT by sodpoodle
1.What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. 2.What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse! 3.What is Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1. 4.Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie. 6.What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I'm changing! 7.What do you call bears with no ears? B. 8,What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper! 9.Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food! 10.What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator! 11.I invented a new word today: Plagiarism. What is sticky and brown? A stick! How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it! Rest in peace boiling water. You will be mist! How do you throw a space party? You planet! Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I'm still working on that one. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! I hate Russian dolls… they're so full of themselves! Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer? Why did the gym close down? It just didn't work out! Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw! A plateau is the highest form of flattery. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it. You can only get spoiled milk from a pampered cow. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick! You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I tried to hire a landscape gardener. He said he couldn’t help because my yard was portrait.
Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas.
My 7 yr old likes them.
List stolen for my jokes file. Thanks for the quickie chuckles!
LOL! I couldn’t figure out the last one, trying to see the pun; and then...
(Slow, here...)
With all the bad news, I needed this.
With all the bad news, I needed this.
Dolly Parton is taller lying on her back than standing up.
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I’ve been feeling a little moody and run down lately.
So I googled my symptoms to see what I might have.
It’s kids. I have kids...
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Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... Don’t sing!
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eHarmony matched me up with Jack Daniels.
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Lent 2022 began on Wednesday, March 2
Back in the pre-Vatican II days, when meat was forbidden on all Fridays, a Catholic missionary was trying to convert a tribe of cannibals.
After some years he was visited by another missionary and was asked how things were going.
He told the visitor that the tribesmen were still cannibals, but now they only ate fishermen on Fridays.
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Bob’s parrot was always swearing so he asked the vet how he could stop it.
“Everytime the parrot swears put it in the freezer for 15 seconds” he advised.
The next time the parrot swore, Bob put the parrot in the freezer.
When he opened the door the parrot was very contrite.
“I am sorry for the bad language and it will never happen again” he said.
“By the way, what did the chicken do?”
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