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CDC Warns Of New 'Stealth' COVID Variant Where You Test Negative And Get No Symptoms
BabylonBee.com ^ | 9-5-2022 | Staff

Posted on 09/07/2022 8:09:35 AM PDT by servo1969

ATLANTA, GA — CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky held a press conference to warn the public about a deadly new "stealth" COVID-19 variant that causes negative test results and causes no symptoms.

"This deadly variant has bypassed our most sophisticated tests by ingeniously becoming harmless to the human body," said Director Walensky, "It is estimated that eight billion people have caught this variant. We must prevent it from spreading further by closing schools and locking up kindergarten children."

The CDC director's guidance to close schools and stem the tide of this "stealth" variant is backed by data that has been thoroughly and rigorously altered, proving that public school teachers are the most susceptible, testing negative a whopping 100% of the time and often succumbing to the worst symptom-free symptoms.

At publishing time, Pfizer had announced early development of a new, 103% effective vaccine, followed 3.8 seconds later by approval from the FDA.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: cdc; covid; satire; stealth
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To: PGR88
Don’t laugh. Pfizer and Moderna will be given $$billions to produce a vaccine for it.

And the sheep will run right out and get theirs and then boast about it on social media.

21 posted on 09/07/2022 8:36:21 AM PDT by Allegra
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To: PGR88

The new Pfizer pill will come in ballot drop off boxes for minimal contact.


22 posted on 09/07/2022 8:36:57 AM PDT by Track9 (You are far too inquisitive not to be seduced…)
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To: servo1969

That bee logo looks suspiciously like “EIB.”


23 posted on 09/07/2022 8:37:56 AM PDT by Theophilous Meatyard III
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To: servo1969

Doc Fauci would be ‘kicking himself’ for not thinking of this before and in the real world, only thing is Tony Fauci’s elfin legs are just too darn short!

“..And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those pesky “Constitutionalist American holdouts!!”


24 posted on 09/07/2022 8:38:53 AM PDT by lee martell ( )
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To: servo1969

Well, we need to immediately secure the elections by forcing states to mail out ballots to deceased Democrats.


25 posted on 09/07/2022 8:40:03 AM PDT by 1Old Pro
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To: servo1969
Dilbert: Idaho Flu
26 posted on 09/07/2022 8:51:42 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (There are two kinds of people: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.)
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To: servo1969

We know a fairly young male in his early 50’s, who hates doctors/rns and any shots besides the Covid BS.

He, also, claims to be a political independent and doesn’t vote.

He and the love of life, his wife were often first in line to get shots and then boosters. She has zero/no problems post shot.

He gets hammered and misses about a month’s work after each shot.

When the shots came out, he drove over 60 miles each way to get his first 2 shots from a pharmacy.

Too blur this even more they don’t believe in masks.


27 posted on 09/07/2022 9:32:20 AM PDT by Grampa Dave (Anyone, who can make you believe in absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.!" ~ (Voltaire)!!)
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To: Sacajaweau

“I am concerned with the new “vaccine” which has had no human trials.”

Just say no.


28 posted on 09/07/2022 9:33:55 AM PDT by Grampa Dave (Anyone, who can make you believe in absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.!" ~ (Voltaire)!!)
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To: servo1969

Reminds me of Kansas-Nebraska Syndrome of some years ago.

People who were otherwise in good health, physically fit, had a healthy diet, had no family history of unusual diseases, and did not smoke or drink, suddenly died.


29 posted on 09/07/2022 9:39:20 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy ("All he had was a handgun. Why did you think that was a threat?" --Rittenhouse Prosecutor)
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To: IYAS9YAS

That’s perfect!


30 posted on 09/07/2022 9:46:09 AM PDT by FamiliarFace (I wish “smart resume” would work for the real world so I could FF through the Burden admin BS.)
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To: yefragetuwrabrumuy

Do you think it was this? Can’t find anything else so far.

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm4911a1.htm


31 posted on 09/07/2022 9:53:32 AM PDT by FamiliarFace (I wish “smart resume” would work for the real world so I could FF through the Burden admin BS.)
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To: Grampa Dave

Not for myself...I had one J&J...other folks....


32 posted on 09/07/2022 9:54:14 AM PDT by Sacajaweau ( )
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To: Sacajaweau

“I am concerned with the new “vaccine” which has had no human trials.”

If this happens, it makes witch doctor medicine look advanced.


33 posted on 09/07/2022 10:19:10 AM PDT by Grampa Dave (Anyone, who can make you believe in absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.!" ~ (Voltaire)!!)
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To: servo1969

The BB hits on target again.


34 posted on 09/07/2022 10:59:41 AM PDT by fella ("As it was before Noah so shall it be again,")
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To: servo1969

They forgot to mention how this necessitates sending everyone a ballot that can be deposited in a drop box in the upcoming election. Requiring ID would create a huge risk of spreading this new variant.


35 posted on 09/07/2022 11:00:49 AM PDT by unlearner ( Si vis pacem, para bellum. Let him who desires peace prepare for war.)
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To: PGR88

Covid, the only “pandemic” in history you need to be tested to know you have it and even if test is negative they claim you have it.


36 posted on 09/07/2022 11:22:37 AM PDT by CIB-173RDABN (I am not an expert in anything, and my opinion is just that, an opinion. I may be wrong.)
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To: FamiliarFace

Kansas-Nebraska Syndrome, sometimes just Kansas Syndrome, was a hoax targeting hypochondriacs, from years ago. It was a joke, which nobody was expected to believe.


37 posted on 09/07/2022 12:55:03 PM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy ("All he had was a handgun. Why did you think that was a threat?" --Rittenhouse Prosecutor)
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To: yefragetuwrabrumuy

Ahhh. It sounded so ludicrous I had to check it out. Found nothing except that which I posted.

Hypochondriacs, the gift that keeps on giving. I have a couple of those in my family.


38 posted on 09/07/2022 1:03:44 PM PDT by FamiliarFace (I wish “smart resume” would work for the real world so I could FF through the Burden admin BS.)
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