Posted on 06/15/2022 11:33:33 AM PDT by PROCON
RICHMOND, VA—Cigarette maker Marlboro has announced that they have added puberty blockers to cigarettes to make them legal for kids.
"Now that our smooth Marlboro cigarettes can block puberty, 13 and 14-year-old kids should be able to use them legally, without parental consent," said a spokesperson for the company.
Cited as "lung-affirming care," the cigarette manufacturer's decision to supplement their products with puberty blockers has caused progressives to praise Marlboro as a true advocate for children's health.
"Well, if these things have puberty blockers in them, they must be good for kids," said Pediatrician Dr. Ima G. Reumer, who specializes in non-invasive, gender-affirming mastectomies and genital mutilations for tikes. "I'll have my staff add a couple of packs of Marlboros to my patients' recovery packages."
Critics have pointed out the cigarette manufacturer's sordid history of using deceptive marketing tactics to make young, susceptible populations think cigarettes were cool. But these critics were quickly and violently silenced by trans activists for daring to question a child's desire to please woke parents by changing genders.
At publishing time, Anheuser-Busch announced plans to dip their toe in the lucrative vulnerable-children market by adding testosterone to their beer, thus making it legal for kids.
BRUTAL
They must have been working overtime on this one!😆
But no candy cigarettes or Cartoons of Camels. These are the only two things still known to be gateways to danger.
Finally came up with a way to turn that “they’ll stunt your growth” into a positive marketing item!
Hilarious! Sick, but too close to the truth!
Wow! That is hilarious in how truthful the Bee is with their satire!
My eyes went wide for about 3 seconds...........
Too funny!
Its weird how every time I see something like this now, I have to see who it came from to see if its satire.
I found some of those old fashioned candy cigarette packs that blow a powdered sugar “smoke” in an old hardware store that still sold old candies from the 1950-70s. Bought a pack for my daughter when she was 5.
She came into the kitchen to puff one out in front of her mom.
The look of Death from Mrs BBQ... was like looking into the eyes of a Panther who knew the kill was hers if I showed fear.
“Dr. Ima G. Reumer” - okay, I see what they did there.
An idea whose time has come!
That’s magnificent. Well done, Bee.
Nailed it.
Wow, imagine these ads today.
And kids can smoke them anywhere they want to.
Restaurants, bars, airplanes, public buildings ... and only haterz will complain. :)
Babylon Bee.
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