Posted on 08/21/2021 11:36:07 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Yesterday I was at my local Foodland buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had....an elephant ?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that 'I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and , I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Foodland won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think up crazy things to say.
I know they’re supposed to be complexly social animals.
Thank you, first for all the good humor you exhibit in bringing us good humor, and second, for enlightening us on the etymology of your Freeper handle!
So, eating dog food makes ya wanna pee on a fire hydrant. I always thought it was sumthin like breakin’ your neck because you were convinced you could just lick your balls.
LOL!
When I was a little kid I actually tried a nugget of Purina Dog Chow. I figured the dog seemed to like it well enough. Wow. It was rock hard. The taste was vaguely like wheat bread, but with no salt or sugar. I spit it out before I broke a tooth.
Thanks. This lifted my spirits. It’s been a tough week
Now It Can Be Told;
I owned many pets as a kid. Dogs included. I became curious about how their food might taste. I tried Purina.
It was sort of bland, but tolerable.
I tried Gravy Train. That was close to delicious.
Seriously? Every thread even comic relief has to be turned into a covid fight thread? Do you guys ever let up?
It just shows to go you, ask a foolish question, kind of expect to get an equally and totally inappropriate answer.
Again do you have to introduce that right to every thread even a comic relief thread? Some people seriously need to get a life
Foodland....
Wasn’t it Gloria Abdu who was in their commercials in Pittsburgh?
You know, you can just scroll past the comments without a response. It’s quite easy. Who needs to get a life?
I had never heard of Foodland either.
FoodLion, Krogers, Piggly Wiggly, maybe.
—” I tried Purina.
It was sort of bland, but tolerable.”
My long-time rock climbing partner did an Alaska fly-in climb.
Getting into the plane he spots several packs of dry dog food and asked the pilot about the dog?
The pilot said he used to keep chocolates and dry snacks for emergencies, but would often grab them for a snack.
Asking around other pilots told him to sample several brands of dry food and stock the least objectionable brand.
No more snacking.
You know that dog kibble has a distinct smell...well I learned that small is....went to a rendering plant...that day they were cooking goose remains...but anyhoo the smell of the rendered liquid...yep, smelled exactly like dog food....so they obviously use renedered oils from god knows what animals and their parts as the “secret sauce”...
Good one and thanks for all the laughs! I needed one today...
You are a FREEPER treasure.
So funny!
You from the South?
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