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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Foodland
email from friend | 8/21/2021 | unknown

Posted on 08/21/2021 11:36:07 AM PDT by sodpoodle

Yesterday I was at my local Foodland buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had....an elephant ?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that 'I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and , I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Foodland won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think up crazy things to say.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Food; Humor; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: chew
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To: sodpoodle

I know they’re supposed to be complexly social animals.


21 posted on 08/21/2021 12:52:45 PM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: sodpoodle

Thank you, first for all the good humor you exhibit in bringing us good humor, and second, for enlightening us on the etymology of your Freeper handle!


22 posted on 08/21/2021 12:54:26 PM PDT by Quality_Not_Quantity ("...for the sake of His name." Psalm 23:3)
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To: sodpoodle

So, eating dog food makes ya wanna pee on a fire hydrant. I always thought it was sumthin like breakin’ your neck because you were convinced you could just lick your balls.


23 posted on 08/21/2021 12:57:19 PM PDT by Kevmo ( 600 political prisoners in Washington, DC. You cannot comply your way out of tyranny.)
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To: sodpoodle

LOL!

When I was a little kid I actually tried a nugget of Purina Dog Chow. I figured the dog seemed to like it well enough. Wow. It was rock hard. The taste was vaguely like wheat bread, but with no salt or sugar. I spit it out before I broke a tooth.


24 posted on 08/21/2021 12:58:24 PM PDT by Flick Lives (We may or may not have reached herd immunity, but we've definitely achieved herd stupidity.)
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To: sodpoodle

Thanks. This lifted my spirits. It’s been a tough week


25 posted on 08/21/2021 12:59:43 PM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds)
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To: sodpoodle

Now It Can Be Told;
I owned many pets as a kid. Dogs included. I became curious about how their food might taste. I tried Purina.
It was sort of bland, but tolerable.
I tried Gravy Train. That was close to delicious.


26 posted on 08/21/2021 1:04:41 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: peggybac

Seriously? Every thread even comic relief has to be turned into a covid fight thread? Do you guys ever let up?


27 posted on 08/21/2021 1:06:59 PM PDT by Mom MD ( )
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To: Mom MD

https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3987449/posts


28 posted on 08/21/2021 1:14:17 PM PDT by peggybac (My will is what I wanted. God's will is what I got.)
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To: Southside_Chicago_Republican

It just shows to go you, ask a foolish question, kind of expect to get an equally and totally inappropriate answer.


29 posted on 08/21/2021 1:15:31 PM PDT by alloysteel ( Poor people give rich people all their money anyway. Just as they have always done.)
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To: peggybac

Again do you have to introduce that right to every thread even a comic relief thread? Some people seriously need to get a life


30 posted on 08/21/2021 1:17:49 PM PDT by Mom MD ( )
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To: sodpoodle

Foodland....
Wasn’t it Gloria Abdu who was in their commercials in Pittsburgh?


31 posted on 08/21/2021 1:21:54 PM PDT by gathersnomoss (LIVE FREE)
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To: Mom MD

You know, you can just scroll past the comments without a response. It’s quite easy. Who needs to get a life?


32 posted on 08/21/2021 1:30:14 PM PDT by peggybac (My will is what I wanted. God's will is what I got.)
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To: gathersnomoss

I had never heard of Foodland either.

FoodLion, Krogers, Piggly Wiggly, maybe.


33 posted on 08/21/2021 1:31:19 PM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly, carry tweezers.)
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Comment #34 Removed by Moderator

To: lee martell

—” I tried Purina.
It was sort of bland, but tolerable.”

My long-time rock climbing partner did an Alaska fly-in climb.
Getting into the plane he spots several packs of dry dog food and asked the pilot about the dog?
The pilot said he used to keep chocolates and dry snacks for emergencies, but would often grab them for a snack.

Asking around other pilots told him to sample several brands of dry food and stock the least objectionable brand.

No more snacking.


35 posted on 08/21/2021 2:36:07 PM PDT by DUMBGRUNT (("The enemy has overrun us. We are blowing up everything. Vive la France!"Dien Bien Phu last message)
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To: Flick Lives

You know that dog kibble has a distinct smell...well I learned that small is....went to a rendering plant...that day they were cooking goose remains...but anyhoo the smell of the rendered liquid...yep, smelled exactly like dog food....so they obviously use renedered oils from god knows what animals and their parts as the “secret sauce”...


36 posted on 08/21/2021 2:53:40 PM PDT by FreshPrince (P )
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To: sodpoodle

Good one and thanks for all the laughs! I needed one today...


37 posted on 08/21/2021 3:19:20 PM PDT by elteemike (Light is faster than sound; that's why so many people appear bright until you hear them speak.)
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To: sodpoodle

You are a FREEPER treasure.


38 posted on 08/21/2021 3:39:05 PM PDT by BraveMan
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To: sodpoodle

So funny!


39 posted on 08/21/2021 4:25:56 PM PDT by NWFree (Somebody has to say )
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To: sodpoodle

You from the South?


40 posted on 08/21/2021 6:05:25 PM PDT by NCSUgirl4ever
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