Posted on 08/21/2021 11:36:07 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Yesterday I was at my local Foodland buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had....an elephant ?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that 'I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and , I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Foodland won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think up crazy things to say.
I'm an old female!!!!
LOL!
I have seen this one before, but forgot how it ended. A good one!
😄
Here’s your sign...
Not bad. Thanks!
Funny. Thanks for all the yucks sodpoodle. Poodle, Purina....hmmm
A female sodpoodle out buying Purina?
Sounds like it indeed could have been you—even if you didn’t lift your leg by that hydrant.
Don’t let the FDA see this. They’re already warning everyone on Twitter not to use Ivermectin paste for horses to treat/prevent covid.
Nice to have a nice lift on a horrid day.
Have owned many dogs in my lifetime, inlcuding a toy poodle.
Reading about wild prairie dogs - called ‘sodpoodles’, I used it when I signed onto FR
Hilarious
So, you don't pee on fire hydrants of course.
😃
I will definitely follow CDC and Biden/Fauci- GO HOME and stay isolated. Do nothing unless your lips turn blue from due to low 02.
Then, and only then. go to the ER so they can put you in the ICU. Once they put you on a ventilator, expect to die as somewhere between 40-90% die.
DimWITS need Americans to die for mail in voting. DimWITS can't win w/o massive cheating so die for the cause to keep folks like Obama, Schummer and NanZi Pelosi in the news!/sarc
Thanks! I needed that laugh
The Purina Diet. Ha! I’m stealing that.
The ending I heard was he was lying in the road, licking himself, and a car hit him.
Your ending is more kid- friendly.
You’re a gem. Thank you for posting.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.