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'I Thought I Was Going To Die', Says Capitol Police Officer Who Held Door Open For Protestors On Jan. 6
The Babylon Bee ^ | July 29, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/01/2021 7:57:36 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a harrowing testimony before the January 6th Committee, Capitol Police Officer Lenny Burbo revealed his paralyzing fear as MAGA terrorist insurrectionist racists stormed the Capitol.

"I stood there, paralyzed by fear as I held the door open so people could enter," said Burbo. "As boomer after boomer entered the facility in an orderly line and began to take selfies, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I literally thought I was going to die."

When asked why he had politely held the door open for everyone to enter the building unimpeded, he replied that he feared for his life and that one of the larger rioters had come up to him and said "step aside cupcake" in an intimidating voice.

"I knew my only option was to step aside or be drawn and quartered by a throng of evil bad people who voted for Trump and are also racist," he said as tears welled up in his eyes.

Officer Burbo has been awarded a medal of bravery since even though he opened the door for rioters, he really didn't want to do it, and his heart was in the right place.

The FBI has issued a warrant for the man who called Officer Burbo a "cupcake" and is asking anyone with information to call Nancy Pelosi's office immediately.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Humor; Local News; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; capitolpolice; cupcake; jan6; maga; police; riot; satire; testimony
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1 posted on 08/01/2021 7:57:36 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; DoodleBob; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; ...

I hope Officer Burbo congratulated Adam Kinzinger on his being pregnant.

DANG!


2 posted on 08/01/2021 7:58:41 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I know this is the Bee, but what a pussy.


3 posted on 08/01/2021 7:59:03 PM PDT by EvilCapitalist (Pets are no substitute for children.)
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To: EvilCapitalist

The line between the Bee and reality is getting narrower all the time.


4 posted on 08/01/2021 8:05:10 PM PDT by bigbob
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Why was a Capitol Police Officer terrified of FBI agents?


5 posted on 08/01/2021 8:08:29 PM PDT by stevem
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

At least he saved AOC from being raped by the white supreemists.


6 posted on 08/01/2021 8:08:58 PM PDT by cdcdawg (It's all so tiresome.)
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To: stevem

The reporters for the Bee want to know?


7 posted on 08/01/2021 8:09:41 PM PDT by stevem
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To: cdcdawg

White Supreemists have standards. They may be low, but they are above raping skanks like AOC.


8 posted on 08/01/2021 8:11:52 PM PDT by sport
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I love the Bee


9 posted on 08/01/2021 8:21:04 PM PDT by McGavin999 (biden is not my president )
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To: bigbob

“The line between the Bee and reality is getting narrower all the time.“
—————————-
What line?


10 posted on 08/01/2021 8:24:32 PM PDT by Texaspeptoman (Even cannibals... get fed up with people sometimes.)
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To: McGavin999

“I love the Bee.”

I do too. One of the few mainstream news services left with any credibility.


11 posted on 08/01/2021 8:29:14 PM PDT by GOP Congress
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To: GOP Congress

Hahahahaha good one, FRiend!


12 posted on 08/01/2021 8:31:47 PM PDT by rlmorel (Leftists are The Droplet of Sewage in a gallon of ultra-pure clean water.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

This pussy the kind of cop you want protecting you and or your community? How about your capital?
I wouldn’t let this punk walk my dog.


13 posted on 08/01/2021 8:50:08 PM PDT by Joe Boucher
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To: bigbob

It is.


14 posted on 08/01/2021 8:57:51 PM PDT by matt04 ( )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

What a liar.

If he’s that mentally unstable snd unprepared to deal with stressful situations, then he has no business being on the police force. He’s no good for anyone, and actually a downright hazard to everyone nesrby.


15 posted on 08/01/2021 10:25:03 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…..)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

They got me!

Holy cow. The Bee strikes again with Tomorrow’s News Today.


16 posted on 08/01/2021 10:26:22 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…..)
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To: bigbob

I think that’s their plan.

:)


17 posted on 08/01/2021 10:31:44 PM PDT by Salamander (We Have Forgotten The Faces Of Our Fathers....)
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To: metmom

You saw it on the internet so it must be true!


18 posted on 08/01/2021 10:37:15 PM PDT by Repeal The 17th (Get out of the matrix and get a real life.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

They got me. I thought this was real Fake News until I saw the source.


19 posted on 08/01/2021 10:42:02 PM PDT by McGruff (PRES. BIDEN: You're not gonna get COVID if you have these vaccinations.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
And the award for best acting during a protest goes to...

Officer Lenny Burbo.

20 posted on 08/01/2021 10:48:28 PM PDT by McGruff (PRES. BIDEN: You're not gonna get COVID if you have these vaccinations.)
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