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'I Thought I Was Going To Die', Says Capitol Police Officer Who Held Door Open For Protestors On Jan. 6
The Babylon Bee ^ | July 29, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/01/2021 7:57:36 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

WASHINGTON, D.C.β€”In a harrowing testimony before the January 6th Committee, Capitol Police Officer Lenny Burbo revealed his paralyzing fear as MAGA terrorist insurrectionist racists stormed the Capitol.

"I stood there, paralyzed by fear as I held the door open so people could enter," said Burbo. "As boomer after boomer entered the facility in an orderly line and began to take selfies, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I literally thought I was going to die."

When asked why he had politely held the door open for everyone to enter the building unimpeded, he replied that he feared for his life and that one of the larger rioters had come up to him and said "step aside cupcake" in an intimidating voice.

"I knew my only option was to step aside or be drawn and quartered by a throng of evil bad people who voted for Trump and are also racist," he said as tears welled up in his eyes.

Officer Burbo has been awarded a medal of bravery since even though he opened the door for rioters, he really didn't want to do it, and his heart was in the right place.

The FBI has issued a warrant for the man who called Officer Burbo a "cupcake" and is asking anyone with information to call Nancy Pelosi's office immediately.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Humor; Local News; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; capitolpolice; cupcake; jan6; maga; police; riot; satire; testimony
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The racists are coming,the racist are coming!


21 posted on 08/01/2021 11:05:14 PM PDT by Leep (Save America. Lock down Joe Biden!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

BTW how did he know they were “MAGA terrorist insurrectionist racist”?
I know we all look alike..


22 posted on 08/01/2021 11:10:30 PM PDT by Leep (Save America. Lock down Joe Biden!)
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To: nutmeg

.


23 posted on 08/01/2021 11:17:34 PM PDT by nutmeg (God bless you and thank you, Rush)
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To: cdcdawg

I think the original plan was to canalize AOC but there wasn’t enough meat on her bones.


24 posted on 08/01/2021 11:21:02 PM PDT by Leep (Save America. Lock down Joe Biden!)
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To: EvilCapitalist

DC=District of Cucks.


25 posted on 08/02/2021 6:36:07 AM PDT by attiladhun2
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

What a freak.


26 posted on 08/02/2021 6:41:10 AM PDT by Brilliant
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

No stupid... That would have been the time to shoot people... As soon as they broke the glass!!


27 posted on 08/02/2021 6:43:29 AM PDT by sit-rep ( )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

28 posted on 08/02/2021 6:43:52 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

This Dog-and-Pony show seems familiar

29 posted on 08/02/2021 1:06:08 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

“step aside cupcake”

So he is saying he was a cupcake?


30 posted on 08/02/2021 1:10:17 PM PDT by minnesota_bound (I need more money. )
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To: metmom

We’ve all been stung by the bee.😁


31 posted on 01/04/2022 1:51:35 PM PST by Leep (Freedom: "What's the big deal" -joe biden)
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To: Leep

Pelosi would probably be to tough.
Although,she has probably been marinated in booze for over a half a century..


32 posted on 01/04/2022 1:55:06 PM PST by Leep (Freedom: "What's the big deal" -joe biden)
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