Posted on 07/21/2021 9:11:37 AM PDT by upchuck
1. Some ponderables:
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".
Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.
If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
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2. A VERY SAD DAY. A friend of mine lost his job last week, after 7 years of medical training and 4 years of practice. He was disciplined for one small indiscretion: he slept with one of his patients, which is a no no. He can no longer work in his profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He’s still paying off his school loans!
This just goes to show that one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
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3. A drunk stumbles into a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."
The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.
No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The Minister then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.
Disgusted the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands. "For the Grace of God, have you found Jesus yet ????
The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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4. World's worst photographer:
https://i.ibb.co/sV1sSSL/worst.jpg
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5. A noun and a verb started dating and had a happy relationship for a while. Eventually they broke up because the verb thought the noun was too possessive.
Some gossips also thought the verb was too tense.
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6. Q: Did you hear about the stupid pianist who kept banging his head against the keys?
A: He was playing by ear.
Piano Tuner: I've come to tune the piano.
Music Teacher: But we didn't send for you.
Piano Tuner: No, but the people who live across the street did.
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a twelve-inch pizza?
A: A twelve-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
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7. There is a simplified urine test for men:
Just go outside and pee in the garden, and then diagnose your problem.
*If ants gather:- Diabetes.
*If you pee on your feet:- Prostate.
*If it smells like a barbecue:- Cholesterol.
*If when you shake it and your wrist hurts:- Osteoarthritis.
*If you shake it too long:- Parkinson's.
*If you return inside with your penis still outside your pants:- Alzheimer.
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8. https://i.ibb.co/XpxTF9p/halloween-pilot.jpg
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9. Being super popular on social media is like being rich on monopoly.
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10. Saved the best for last.
"One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government."
--Donald Trump
It is in German..................
The noun became an object of a preposition.
Funny stuff
Red Badger: It is in German.
Not true!
A "U" is called in German a "Uuh" (phonetic transcription).
A "V" is called in German a "Fow" (ditto).
A "W" is called in German a "Vay" (ditto).
Regards,
Loved the pilot!
:) Gotta love stuff that makes a joke even funnier.
The time period without Oxygen is much shorter. The issue has to be peanuts. Nobody who has had any has lived past 120.
You’re welcome.
“4. World’s worst photographer:
https://i.ibb.co/sV1sSSL/worst.jpg“
Took me a couple seconds. That IS funny.
The letter "W" is also the only letter in the alphabet that is more than one syllable.
I wonder how many of you are going to run through the entire alphabet to verify!
I was taught uuh, vay, duble-vay.
That was a joke.
A VW is a FowVay.................
When I was in college and had no recourse but to use communal washing machines and dryers, the thought occurred to me that one could never get 100% of your clothes clean at the same time. Once you had spent a couple hours at the laundromat and brought your freshly cleaned clothes home, the clothes you wore that day would need to be washed.
I thought a nude laundromat might be the solution, but there would be no good place to carry your quarters.
There are some in the deep south that would argue that point. I've lived in some areas where, "F" is pronounced, "ay-EFF," "L" is pronounced "ay-ELL," etc.
Also French
The noun became an object of a preposition.
No one is even going to address the dangling participle?
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