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Half-Black Man Ordered To Pay Himself Reparations
The Babylon Bee ^ | June 9th, 2021

Posted on 06/09/2021 1:14:00 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican

SAN JOSE, CA—Local half-white, half-black man Michael Preston has been ordered to pay himself reparations since half his ancestors were oppressed and half were oppressors.

"Wait -- what?" he said after he received a letter from Governor Gavin Newsom's office informing him he owed himself over $25,000. "Uh... OK? I guess?" He then went down to the bank and ordered a transfer to himself. He was a little short of the total amount so made it in installments, sending himself several payments totaling the $25,000 amount he owes himself for his ancestors oppressing his other ancestors.

"We'd like to thank Mr. Preston for atoning for the guilt of his ancestors," said Governor Newsom. "Because of them, he has a unique place of privilege in life and has had a leg up on his fellow citizens, who are oppressed because of things that happened hundreds of years ago. Today, he has made that right. Well, until we ask for more reparations later. Frankly, it's never going to stop."

"We'd also like to congratulate Mr. Preston for receiving the reparations long overdue to his ancestors today," said Governor Newsom. "Because of what happened to them, he is in a unique place of oppression in life and has never been able to get ahead of his fellow citizens, who are far more privileged than him because of things that happened hundreds of years ago. Today, that wrong has been righted. Well, until we send him more reparations later. Frankly, it's never going to stop."

Preston has said he'll pay whatever to himself going forward as long as the state just leaves him alone and lets him live his life.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 06/09/2021 1:14:00 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
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To: MinorityRepublican

They are on top of their game!


2 posted on 06/09/2021 1:15:36 PM PDT by BEJ
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To: MinorityRepublican

LOL


3 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:16 PM PDT by Justice
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To: MinorityRepublican

Will Biden tax that as income lol.


4 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:17 PM PDT by cnsmom
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To: MinorityRepublican

He can take the money out of his White left side purple corderoy jeans pocket and put the money into his Black right side purple corderoy jeans pocket.


5 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:29 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: MinorityRepublican

I’m 1/64th native American. I don’t feel like I owe anyone reparations.


6 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:34 PM PDT by JohnBrowdie
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To: MinorityRepublican

LOL! The Bee strikes again.


7 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:48 PM PDT by READINABLUESTATE (CENSORSHIP = VIOLENCE)
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To: MinorityRepublican

He was ordered to pay $25k. After administrative loss, he receive $15k.


8 posted on 06/09/2021 1:17:51 PM PDT by TexasGator (Z1z)
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To: MinorityRepublican

Who qualifies for reparations would be a serious question in any reparations bill.

That’s where the whole foolish idea would fall apart.


9 posted on 06/09/2021 1:19:19 PM PDT by JohnBrowdie
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To: JohnBrowdie
Who qualifies for reparations would be a serious question in any reparations bill. That’s where the whole foolish idea would fall apart.

We already have reparations in hundreds or thousands of ways. Affirmative action is just one.

10 posted on 06/09/2021 1:22:17 PM PDT by 1Old Pro (Let's make crime illegal again!)
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To: MinorityRepublican

Has Obama paid his white side yet?
Now his white half owes his wife too...
Does that mean he pays her a lesser amount since he’s only half white?
Also, he can no longer talk to the Chicago mayor, Lightass, since he’s half white and she only will speak to Blacks. I guess she doesn’t speak to Hispanics or Asians either since they are not Black.


11 posted on 06/09/2021 1:22:52 PM PDT by doc maverick
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To: JohnBrowdie
Who qualifies for reparations would be a serious question in any reparations bill.

The Nazis were experts at this.

12 posted on 06/09/2021 1:23:08 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican (The )
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To: JohnBrowdie

Colorado will give you a few buffalo .
Read it hear yesterday .

Now if you pretend to be black..
You’re golden. The big money reparations are on their way.


13 posted on 06/09/2021 1:23:45 PM PDT by redshawk ( I want my red balloon. ( https://youtu.be/zNLpfEDliV0)
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To: MinorityRepublican

I want to see Barry and Barack fight it out over the reparations issue. Surely Barry wouldn’t stiff Barack over the fact he’s only a first generation slave.


14 posted on 06/09/2021 1:24:35 PM PDT by hardspunned (former GOP globalist stooge)
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To: doc maverick

Good one.
Obammy.... Reparations.....


15 posted on 06/09/2021 1:25:16 PM PDT by redshawk ( I want my red balloon. ( https://youtu.be/zNLpfEDliV0)
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To: hardspunned
Surely Barry wouldn’t stiff Barack over the fact he’s only a first generation slave.

He's not an African-American. He's a Kenyan-American, yes. My point is that he is not descended from American slaves so he is ineligible for reparations.

16 posted on 06/09/2021 1:25:41 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican (The )
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To: MinorityRepublican


17 posted on 06/09/2021 1:26:38 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic...)
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To: doc maverick

And what actions must their “kids” take?


18 posted on 06/09/2021 1:27:10 PM PDT by Olog-hai ("No Republican, no matter how liberal, is going to woo a Democratic vote." -- Ronald Reagan, 1960)
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To: MinorityRepublican

Bronco Bama!? Paging Bronco Bama!


19 posted on 06/09/2021 1:28:58 PM PDT by TigersEye (Will the Younger Dryas Impact you? )
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To: READINABLUESTATE

I started reading, and then said —— ‘’wait a minute’’ -— and looked at the source of the article. Yes — B B!!! Must be fun working for them. I wonder how much they get away with??


20 posted on 06/09/2021 1:33:17 PM PDT by Exit148
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