Posted on 04/05/2021 4:27:10 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of the socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 'S for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's dizzy,' you know..
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Lexophile” describes those that have a love for words, such as: “You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” and “To write with a broken pencil is pointless”.
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year’s submissions:
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Me too! I have a very sick sense of humor so why do even I not find this funny?😎
And it’s ok to say you pricked your finger but not ok to say you fingered your prick!
I have a sizable majority of them.
Remember what Clint taught us........ “Don’t let the old man in”
Words
That’s a real burn! But we’ll get by asbestos we can. Hey it’s a cheap shot, but it’s all I got.
i’m stuned. i thought b is for beeber?
A’s for arthritis, and the aspurns we take each day;
B’s for bad back, lift with your knees they say;
C’s is for chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and build up of plaque.
E is for eyesight, can’t even read the top line!
F is for fissures and fluid leakage all the time.
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H is for high blood pressure—or rather hypertension.
I is for incisions with scars you can show and tell.
J is for joints, not the smoking but aching hell.
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L ‘S for libido, that has come to an end.
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, nervous and quite complexed;
O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!
P for, well, pee, throuhout the night i go.
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears.
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s dizziness, doncha know..
W for worry, now what’s going ‘round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have— somewhere in my mind!
I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed,
And I’m keeping twenty-six doctors employed!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
a friendly amendment.
Cheer up med beds are on the way. 😉
There is also, allegedly, a contest to change or add a letter to a word and give its definition. My recent thought:
Nuncle: Your mother’s brother who is now a sister.
I got stuned and missed it. Beeber or not.
They tell us about the golden years when we are young they lie it’s rust what doesn’t dry up leaks and the doctor give you so many pills it look like someone gave you a bag of skittles.
Example:
Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
A couple of old standards...
Why do you cut a tree down, then chop it up?
Why do you drive on the parkway, but park on the driveway?
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