Posted on 02/19/2021 10:58:03 AM PST by SJackson
I always look before taking a seat. Worried about a snake or hornets, but at least I'd see a bear.
Nope! They use the outhouse! ;-)
At one point, for a few years, we had a three hole outhouse.
I went out to use it in the night, and since the moon was out, didn't turn on my flashlight to save batteries.
After sitting down over the middle hole, I heard a gnawing on wood sound to my left. I turned on the flashlight and looked into the beady eyes of a large porcupine.
Was I ever glad I hadn't sat on that hole! Went back to the house, got a .22, shot the thing, and it fell in.
Smelled worse in there for a few weeks.
Lewis Grizzard (RIP) wrote about a grandma who went to the outhouse...
There was a wasp nest under the seat...Granny sat down a wasp stung her....
They heard a scream and looked out...Saw granny running out of the outhouse with her bloomers around her knees and she was screaming “Lord help me!!! I’ve been bit by a shit snake!!!!”
Just about the time when Justice ‘Thomas was undergoing the Amiga Hill libels, Guam was overrun with a plague of Brown Tree Snakes. That caused me to think of him making a state visit to Guam, needing to answer the call of nature at night while still somewhat fuzzy, and seeing one of the things emerge from the commode between his legs. Being somewhat surprised, he remarked, “OMG, I knew I had a good one, but THAT GOOD!”
Not the same cute bears on the annoying toilet paper commercials?
the bear just wanted a good rump roast
lol
It scared me more than hurt me and when I think of what could have been bitten {off}, I just shudder.
The folks I was fishing with had a great laugh, and if it didn't happen to me, I'd have laughed {my bit ass off}.
Bears occupy outhouses???
Was I ever glad I hadn’t sat on that hole! Went back to the house, got a .22, shot the thing, and it fell in.
__________________________________________________
My teacher friend did the same thing to a rooster that
attacked her children. Farm girl. Good shot,
2 extra for the fun of it.
I am proud of you. I would have screamed bloody murder and
never went to the “can” again w/o a shrink.
After having a test drill for oil fail, a hillbilly family wondered over the hole what it could be used for. They settled on putting the outhouse over it. A hole 250 feet deep will last years they exclaimed.
A week later Aunt Sally found Uncle Zeb dead on the floor in the outhouse. Aunt Sally in mourning said: “Yep, Zeb always was one to hold his breath’til he heard the kerplunk.”
She was fortunate that it wasn’t a moose...
Being bit in the Gluteus Maximus is a real thing...
Was the bear’s name Karma?
I heard a story once about some US servicemen using surplus fuel to burn out the pit under their latrines in order to “freshen them up”. Apparently an officer didn’t want to listen to the advice of an enlisted man, and was sitting in the outhouse when the fuel was lit. He too ran out with his shorts around his knees.
The bear was okay with the view, until she crapped all over his face.
One Easter I bought my Granny a pink dyed chick. It grew into a mean rooster that occasionally held me hostage in the out house.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.