Apple Removes All Apps Since Any Of Them Could Be Used To Incite Violence

Babylon Bee ^ | 01/11/2021 | Babylon Bee

[BipolarBob]

CUPERTINO, CA—Apple has removed all apps from the App Store and the iOS platform since any one of them could be used to incite violence.

The new iPhone will just have a blank screen, to ensure you can't incite violence with it.

"Phone calls and text messages? You can plot violence.
Books? You can be radicalized and then plot violence.
Maps? You can navigate to violence," said Tim Cook. "We must make sure no one can ever use these tools for evil."

Here's the reason for banning some of the apps, according to Cook:

Clock: Can schedule violence
Notes: Can write down ideas which lead to violence
Settings: Can get really frustrated trying to navigate iOS and be incited to violence
Safari: Can google "Jordan Peterson" and become a right-wing radical
Podcasts: can listen to Joe Rogan backlog
Stocks: can get mad at billionaires and riot
Game Center: can play Call of Duty and incite violence against other people's mothers
Health: Can get in shape to commit violence
"The future is appless!" The new appless iPhone will cost $2000 and was instantly sold out as rabid Apple fans lined up at Apple Stores and preordered them online.

"I can't believe we ever used apps before -- seems so archaic now!" said one fan as he camped outside an NYC Apple Store. "I can't wait to get the new violence-free iPhone and see all the nothing I can do with it!"

At publishing time, Apple had also banned the physical iPhone hardware, since you could throw it at someone.

[BipolarBob]

This is how it ends. The implosion of civilization before our eyes. I would say someone should chronicle this for future generations . . but what future generations? This feels like the end. And no, I don't feel fine.

[Still Thinking]

And what of the phone itself? You could beat someone over the head with it!

[mass55th]

I know this is satire, but why isn’t Apple removing the games in their App Store that could be used to incite violence?

[Olog-hai]

This is the way Tim Crook thinks.

[BipolarBob]

but why isn’t Apple removing the games in their App Store

One Word : MONEY

[LeoTDB69]

Everyone should mass download some app and spam it with bannable stuff to make Apple remove it.

[GrandJediMasterYoda]

Remember when Apple did this during the 4 years of Antifa violence? Neither do I.

[The_Media_never_lie]

Cell phones have been used numerous times to carry out acts of violence, too. Will Apple ban them?

[dfwgator]

Since when is Joe Rogan on our side?

[BipolarBob]

He leans libertarian, it makes the commies nervous. He has some lefty ideas and some conservative ideas. It’s better to just marginalize him now before he wises up they’re trying make him into a puppet.

[DUMBGRUNT]

Settings: Can get really frustrated trying to navigate iOS and be incited to violence

Visiting a friend and I hear wailing, weeping, gnashing of teeth...

Their daughter, a teacher convinced him to go Apple and it was not going well for him!

I guess he just wasn't thinking differently?

[mass55th]

Of course, but it only shows what hypocrites they are.

[TheWriterTX]

The phone was banned, too!

This is LOL funny.

[Delta 21]

I don’t think they loose much sleep over that.

[Mat_Helm]

THE NEW IPHONE 2021

[1_Rain_Drop]

I am saddened to read that this is from Bab-Bee. I was hoping this was true that Apple removed all of their apps.
Today I was looking at my “free” Iphone and was wondering how to remove all those apps that I do not need. Maybe I’ll just sharpie them out.
sigh....

[InterceptPoint]

Someone should submit the Violence Plus App. It’s only use is to provide a convenient platform for organizing future Antifa-BLM For a Good Cause Domestic Violence.

After all, the Left, and that includes Apple, do understand the difference between good and bad domestic violence.

[doorgunner69]

Surely the homosexual “cruising” and hookup searches are still going strong.

What would Apple be without the chairman’s own leading the charge?

[The MAGA-Deplorian]

The implosion of civilization before our eyes. I would say someone should chronicle this for future generations . . but what future generations? This feels like the end. And no, I don't feel fine.

Yeah. I mean deplatforming compares to the Civil War, WWI, Spanish Flu, Great Depression, The Dust Bowl and WWII combined!

Its called pick up a book and turnoff anything that requires a screen. Then punch yourself real hard in the nuts and reboot!

Stop your Johnny Fontaine blubbering! MAN UP! Go read Last Stands - Why Men Fight When All Is Lost!

[Starcitizen]

They removed a shit-ton of apps in Hong Kong last year, for the same sorry pro-Communist Chinese excuses they are giving now.

We were warned. Hong Kong was a good canary. We mostly here said on FR that it’s none of our business. It could never happen here. We can just build our own FB, Google, Apple and Amazon. (Only billions of $$$ needed) Well guess what kiddies, it’s happening here.