Posted on 12/29/2020 6:37:53 PM PST by BipolarBob
KANSAS CITY, MO—According to sources, local man Jason Greenman is enjoying his last few days of living like an utterly debased and filthy slob before his anticipated turnaround comes on January 1st.
"Yeah-- January 1st! That will be the day my life changes forever!" said Greenman while eating a breakfast of Christmas cookies, leftover ham, pumpkin pie, and beer. "It's gonna be great! I'm going to get in the best shape of my life, read at least 30 books, get that promotion at work, start reading that Bible again! But first I need to clean out all these leftovers and re-watch The Office and every Indiana Jones movie. Then, it's 'go' time!"
Sources say Greenman spent the last 11 months building bad habits which he will instantly break without hesitation as soon as the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. He has prepared for the big day by fishing his old gym shorts from the laundry so they'll be ready for his first life-altering workout.
"My life will never be the same again," said Greenman to his wife while smashing an entire pizza.
Local news crews will be on hand at the local gym at the beginning of the year to chronicle Jason's epic journey to total competence, health, and manliness. There will also be food trucks waiting outside, just in case.
I had the last of the Christmas ham in a sandwich for lunch today.
>>It’s that time of year where I make those New Years Resolutions in anticipation of losing a few pounds, cut back on alcohol, cut back on internet time and do more stuff outside.
Anyone who made those resolutions in 2019 gets a do over for not adhering in the 2020 lockdown.
I quit making New Year resolutions about 55 years ago.
I find those far easier after a December of sitting around and drinking while playing around on the Internet. Even if I get half way back to my November level I'm a winner.
I never made a New Year’s resolution. The idea never made sense to me.
If you want to improve your life, why wait? January 1 is just an arbitrary date.
If you really want to do something to make your life better, do it today.
If you are putting it off till some other day you probably don’t really want to make those changes and you probably won’t succeed.
Unless his wife really pushes him in this life changing new habits he probably is going to fail. And of course if she does push him on this there may be a divorce in their future.
Rehab is for quitters...
I know someone who said his birthday falls on the worst day of the year to get people to come celebrate.
January 2nd.
Everyone has spent their money.
They have overeaten for weeks.
They may have stayed up late the previous night.
They have already done a bunch of stuff and want to get back into a normal routine before work starts up again.
They’ve made resolutions not to each rich foods/cake or drink any alcohol for at least a week.
It’s easier to just give up one thing then another.
My wife and I gave up pop about 9 yrs ago. It was a once in a while thing for me, but a every other day thing for her. Same with sweet tea. It’s rare that we have either any more.
Then about 6 yrs ago Chocolate was reduced to only dark, and probably a 1/2 oz per day. Oreos disappeared from the cabinet at least 20 yrs ago.
My wife is an excellent cook, and bakes marvelous things, so buying store bought cookies almost never.
I allow myself 2 per day.
The meals are sensible low fat most of the time.
The discipline does allow an occasional greasy exception. Lol
We were heavier in time past, but certainly not obese.
She’s 63, 5’6”, 125#
I’m 66, 6’1”, 185#
Pop? And you’re in Tennessee? Did you grow up in the Midwest?
We drink Coke in the South. Or maybe Cheerwine.
I stopped drinking as a New Year’s resolution. Haven’t had a drink since.
What an improvement in my life.;-)
January 2nd.
I feel kind of the same way about birthdays as I do about New Year’s resolutions.
Why do you have to celebrate your birth on your birthday.
My family has always celebrated birthdays when it was convenient. Usually on a Saturday or Sunday close to the actual date.
It makes it easier for people to come.
Your friend could throw a party that combines New Year’s Day and his Birthday. To me his birthday out ranks New Year’s day on importance anyway.
After all, New Year’s day is just an excuse to throw a party anyway.
There’s a 90% chance that he’ll be back in his old lifestyle by Groundhog Day.
We’re on the same page. I have the same attitude.
Yeah we grew up in NW IL. But pop (either Coke or Pepsi) was almost daily for my wife. Me... only during high school years. Then maybe once a week (my mom’s, and then my wife’s, cookies and cakes provided an ample sugar fix for me).
I started about a week ago.
Stopped drinking, exercise over about an hour and a half a day, started to read the books I already own. (Lot of Agatha Christie and Bill Bryson’s *A Short History of Nearly Everything* is a hoot!)
Been unemployed since last March and I’m fed up with folding in. Start work next week with a very different attitude.
New Year’s Eve has a tendency to be Amateur Hour anyhow.
And I’ve found lately that I have enjoyed finding something to do at 4pm on New Year’s Eve as much as going out someplace in public from 10-1 or 2.
Yeah, no. I have been down this futile road myself so many times I have more baggage from my disappointment in myself than from how fat and lazy I have become.
But this year is different, and I will tell you all about my transition from fat lazy slob to fit and active manly-man.
Or not...
January 2 is a cakewalk, at least the other kids could play with you when you were young.
My friend’s daughter has the worst birthday, Christmas Day.
No special cake, no special day, no specific recognition other than “Oh how heat is that.”
Karla, I wish I could have done more to make your day special.
And I don’t drink hardly any cokes. A few Diet Cokes. Mostly I drink Crystal Light peach tea or lemonade. Wife goes thru the Diet Cokes.
But in the South, it works like this:
‘Would you like a coke?”
“Please, what do you have?”
“Diet Coke, Mexi-Coke, Sprite, and Minute Maid Lite Lemonade.”
“You have Mexi-Coke? Great! I’ll have one of those, please.”
Mexi-Coke of course being proper glass-bottle Coca-Cola sweetened with cane sugar, and not HFCS.
My cousins are in the Midwest, they drink pop. ;-P
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