Posted on 12/04/2020 8:55:09 AM PST by Colonial35
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says For Heaven sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!
The Hooker and the Illegal Immigrant
Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister? he asks.
$100 she replies.
In broken English, he says, Do you do Illegal Immigrant style?
No she says.
I pay you $200 to do Illegal Immigrant style.
No, she says, not knowing what Illegal Immigrant style is.
I pay you $300.
No, she says.
I pay you $400.
No, she says.
So finally he says, OK, I pay $1,000 to Do Illegal Immigrant style.
She thinks, Well, I’ve been in the game for over 10 years now. I’ve had every kind
of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Illegal Immigrant style be?
So she agrees and has sex with him.
Finally, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, Hey, I was
expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was OK.
So, what exactly is Illegal Immigrant style?
The illegal immigrant smiles and replies, You send bill to Government.
LOL!
I need a crate of the Pino More!
LOL
Lena is pregnant with Ole’s child.
Late one night, Lena vakes up Ole and says, ‘I tink it’s time!’
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first Baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, ‘A son! Ain’t dat Great!’
Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t Finished yet!’
The doctor den held up a little girl..
He said, ‘Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter! She’s a pretty little ting, too.’
Ole got kind of puzzled by
this, and then the doctor said, ‘Holey Moley Ole, we still ain’t done yet!’
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, ‘Ole, you yust had yourself another Boy!’
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena , ‘How come we got tree on the first try?’
Lena said, ‘You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?’
Ole said, ‘Yeah, I do... Uffda!
It’s a darn good ting I didn’t get the WD-40.’
A old guy is sitting at a bar. A hooker sits down next to him, and says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.”
The old guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar. He says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
Hilarious...as always. Thanks.
Is this her first baby?
lol
Like a joke from Airplane or The Naked Gun
Classics!!
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says For Heaven sake Paddy, that’s your air freshener swinging about!
———————————————-
It’s never happened to me of course, but people I know have had wrecks due to those damn Drunk Trees that swerved into their lane.
Panks for the thing!
Superman, flying high over New York City, sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a rooftop, spread-eagle, and naked. He hovers for a moment, admiring her gorgeous figure, and thinks to himself-
“Well, I’m Superman, after all... I could zip down there faster than a speeding bullet, have my way with her, and be gone in a flash!”
And this is precisely what he does.
Whereupon Wonder Woman yells: “what was THAT?”
And the Invisible Man replies: “I don’t know, baby, but my tuchus is killing me!”
I think those are all scripted. Each celebrity has a list of many questions each one may be asked. The questions and responses are probably on their desk in front of of them. So if joe blow picks any celebrity, the host asks the predetermined question and the celebrity acts as if they are making the funny answers up. It is very difficult to be funny extemporaneously. Also...lots of editing and fake canned laughter...and you don’t really know how long it took for the celebrity response. Still funny...
These are great!!
Thanks ;-)
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