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Jack Dorsey Hires Homeless Man Off Streets Of San Francisco To Fill In For Him At Hearings
Babylon Bee ^ | 10/28/2020 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/29/2020 9:45:51 AM PDT by BipolarBob

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey was summoned to the Senate's hearing on Big Tech today, but he was tripping on acid with the spider-monkeys off the southern coast of St. Bart's, so he quickly called up his office and had his people hire a homeless man hanging out in front of Twitter's headquarters to fill in for him.

The hobo was holding up a sign reading "Will Go to Senate Hearing for Crack," and Dorsey's assistants quickly hired him for the hearing.

"Yeah, uh, censorship, I like that. That's good stuff," said the hobo to the confused panel. "The apocalypse is coming, man. The signs are all around us!"

"Sorry, Mr., uh, Dorsey, we were expecting a professional-looking CEO, but you're clearly just a hobo off the streets of San Francisco," said Senator Mike Lee. "Couldn't you at least have taken a shower before talking to the United States Senate?"

"Hey, bro, chill out," the hobo responded. "Don't harsh my mellow, man. I'm doing this for a couple bags of blow and a $20, man. You suck!"

For his part, Mark Zuckerberg programmed a lookalike android to testify.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; bluesky; dorsey; jackdorsey; parler; twitter
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To: NautiNurse

Wouldn’t you just like to cozy up to THAT? eeeewwww


21 posted on 10/29/2020 10:00:49 AM PDT by MayflowerMadam (Political Correctness: The inability to speak truth to the obvious. - Bongino)
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To: BipolarBob
Okay, I’m going out on a limb here, but I think it is a case of reincarnation baby.... I mean just look https://spartacus-educational.com/RUSrasputin.htm It is Grigori, I tell ya.....
22 posted on 10/29/2020 10:01:53 AM PDT by Badboo (Why it is important)
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To: A Formerly Proud Canadian

I remember being at a tech training seminar in 2008.
It was the first time I had heard of Twitter.

“It’s a microblog” said the instructor.
“What’s a microblog?” I asked.
“It allows you to post anything you want but you are limited to 140 characters.”

“How totally useless!” I thought.

And then Donald Trump figured out how to use it to take down the GOP Establishment and the Clinton Machine.

Foresight of vision has never been my strong suit.


23 posted on 10/29/2020 10:02:59 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog (Patrick Henry would have been an anti-vaxxer.)
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To: DarthVader
Rasputin

Rasputin demands an apology.

24 posted on 10/29/2020 10:04:09 AM PDT by windsorknot
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To: windsorknot

25 posted on 10/29/2020 10:05:16 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog (Patrick Henry would have been an anti-vaxxer.)
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To: P-Marlowe
Has anyone retweeted this article?

I don't know. I'll get Snopes on it right away.

26 posted on 10/29/2020 10:09:52 AM PDT by BipolarBob (Rome wasn't built in a day. All Hail the night shift!)
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To: Buckeye McFrog

While I have never used Twitter and have a mixture of disdain and pity for those millions of people who ‘tweet’ about the minutia of their lives, I do enjoy reading some of PDJT’s ‘tweets’.


27 posted on 10/29/2020 10:11:02 AM PDT by A Formerly Proud Canadian (I once was blind but now I see...)
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To: MayflowerMadam
Wouldn’t you just like to cozy up to THAT? eeeewwww

Not even for all of his money. Eeeeew.

28 posted on 10/29/2020 10:14:38 AM PDT by NautiNurse (The press handling Joe Biden is "like watching someone make sure a 3 year old wins Candyland.")
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To: BipolarBob

Having lived in La-la land, I’m confident that Jack represents the height of woke-fashion. He’d fit right in, and, as a bonus, his billions turn into a social asset, rather than something to be embarrassed about. Wealth without shame is a lofty goal.


29 posted on 10/29/2020 10:16:34 AM PDT by rightwingcrazy (;-,)
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To: BipolarBob

ROFLMAO!!!


30 posted on 10/29/2020 10:18:12 AM PDT by DannyTN
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To: A Formerly Proud Canadian

Like you I do not tweet. My only use for it is to read Trump’s feed. And more recently his campaign’s feed and a couple of alternative news journalists.


31 posted on 10/29/2020 10:19:38 AM PDT by Buckeye McFrog (Patrick Henry would have been an anti-vaxxer.)
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To: rightwingcrazy

Dorsey has that doper chic look going big time. That oily sheen from smoking weed is nasty.


32 posted on 10/29/2020 10:30:01 AM PDT by lodi90
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To: Buckeye McFrog
I arrived at a similar conclusion - around the same time, I suppose - but took a different route.

I recall an online article or discussion forum going on about something Alec Baldwin posted on Twitter.

My two immediate thoughts were (1) What the heck is Twitter, and (2) Why should I give a rat's ass what Alec Baldwin has to say about anything?"

Still never joined to this day.

33 posted on 10/29/2020 10:31:55 AM PDT by mellow velo
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To: Buckeye McFrog

Up here in Kanadahar, once known as Canada, the MSM was bought three years ago, by the Lieberal Party under True-dope. (A $650 million ‘gift’ to ensure that they ‘maintain their independence’.)
Thee only MSM that is SLIGHTLY ‘conservative’ is the Sun newspaper chain.

As such, the coverage of US politics in Kanadahar is VERY left wing, other than several small, independent outlets such as Rebel News. The majority of Canadians believe that ‘Orange Man Bad’, because all they see is the TERRIBLY biased coverage from the Canadian MSM.

As I do not have cable, I am blessed to have Roku and see much coverage of US politics from OAN and Fox, in addition to several small, conservative, independent news outlets in Canada.


34 posted on 10/29/2020 10:36:17 AM PDT by A Formerly Proud Canadian (I once was blind but now I see...)
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To: BipolarBob

Supposedly closeted gay. Maybe heroin and/or AIDS skinny?


35 posted on 10/29/2020 10:37:59 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: BipolarBob

Is that a clear nose ring in his left nostril?


36 posted on 10/29/2020 10:39:41 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: MomwithHope

I got the distinct impression that Dorsey looked like some strung out homeless bum who had slept face down in a gravel parking lot.


37 posted on 10/29/2020 10:40:58 AM PDT by jmacusa (If we're all equal how is diversity our strength?)
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To: mellow velo

Twitter is pretty darned influential, FWIW. Trump himself has, what, 75 million followers?


38 posted on 10/29/2020 10:42:01 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: rightwingcrazy

Little known Dorsey factoid, via Wikipedia:

“In his younger days, Dorsey worked occasionally as a fashion model.”


39 posted on 10/29/2020 10:44:09 AM PDT by 9YearLurker
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To: jazminerose
Nah it wasn't weed, weed would produce eyes like the middle picture in this chart, but Dorsey's were like the left picture:


40 posted on 10/29/2020 10:52:50 AM PDT by Boogieman
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