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Jack Dorsey Hires Homeless Man Off Streets Of San Francisco To Fill In For Him At Hearings
Babylon Bee ^
| 10/28/2020
| Babylon Bee
Posted on 10/29/2020 9:45:51 AM PDT by BipolarBob
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey was summoned to the Senate's hearing on Big Tech today, but he was tripping on acid with the spider-monkeys off the southern coast of St. Bart's, so he quickly called up his office and had his people hire a homeless man hanging out in front of Twitter's headquarters to fill in for him.
The hobo was holding up a sign reading "Will Go to Senate Hearing for Crack," and Dorsey's assistants quickly hired him for the hearing.
"Yeah, uh, censorship, I like that. That's good stuff," said the hobo to the confused panel. "The apocalypse is coming, man. The signs are all around us!"
"Sorry, Mr., uh, Dorsey, we were expecting a professional-looking CEO, but you're clearly just a hobo off the streets of San Francisco," said Senator Mike Lee. "Couldn't you at least have taken a shower before talking to the United States Senate?"
"Hey, bro, chill out," the hobo responded. "Don't harsh my mellow, man. I'm doing this for a couple bags of blow and a $20, man. You suck!"
For his part, Mark Zuckerberg programmed a lookalike android to testify.
TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; dorsey; jackdorsey; twitter
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For those of you, who like me, were surprised at the nose ring wearing nonchalant attitude of the CEO of Twitter at a Senate hearing, this explains a lot. I feel totally hoaxed.
To: BipolarBob
He looked like a cross between Howard Hughes and Fu Man Chu.
2
posted on
10/29/2020 9:48:02 AM PDT
by
MomwithHope
(Forever grateful to all our patriots, past, present and future.)
To: MomwithHope
Just how much weed had he smoked before the hearing? Those eyes, good grief.
3
posted on
10/29/2020 9:49:05 AM PDT
by
jazminerose
(Hunter Biden 2024)
To: BipolarBob
Just wait until Snopes fact-checks this entry!
4
posted on
10/29/2020 9:49:42 AM PDT
by
Psalm 73
("You'll never hear surf music again" - J. Hendrix)
To: BipolarBob
All Dorsey needed in his zoom appearance was a refrigerator cardboard box house in the background.
5
posted on
10/29/2020 9:50:21 AM PDT
by
chuckee
To: BipolarBob
Has anyone retweeted this article?
6
posted on
10/29/2020 9:50:30 AM PDT
by
P-Marlowe
(Freep mail me if you want to be on my Fingerstyle Acoustic Guitar Ping List)
To: BipolarBob
Dorsey is a case of Yosemite Sam strikes it rich.
7
posted on
10/29/2020 9:51:24 AM PDT
by
chuckee
To: BipolarBob
Dorsey certainly did look like a homeless person. That beard is just NASTY.
8
posted on
10/29/2020 9:51:32 AM PDT
by
Conserv
To: MomwithHope
9
posted on
10/29/2020 9:53:47 AM PDT
by
DarthVader
(Not by speeches & majority decisions will the great issues th the day be decided but by Blood & Iron)
To: P-Marlowe
10
posted on
10/29/2020 9:53:47 AM PDT
by
GOP Poet
To: DarthVader
11
posted on
10/29/2020 9:54:03 AM PDT
by
GOP Poet
To: chuckee
All Dorsey needed in his zoom appearance was a refrigerator cardboard box house in the background.
Jack Dorsey & His Friend Wilson
12
posted on
10/29/2020 9:54:37 AM PDT
by
NautiNurse
(The press handling Joe Biden is "like watching someone make sure a 3 year old wins Candyland.")
To: BipolarBob
Twitter’s chief twit. (Oh, it was SO hard not to change that vowel!) He’s just prepping himself for having it all taken from him and ending up living on the excrement covered sidewalks of San Fransicko.
(I can dream, can’t I?)
To: NautiNurse
To: BipolarBob
Jack should play a key role in Breaking Bad II.
To: NautiNurse
Auditioning to be the next uni-bomber.....
16
posted on
10/29/2020 9:59:33 AM PDT
by
nesnah
(Liberals - the petulant children of politics)
To: BipolarBob
Now we know the real story.
;-)
17
posted on
10/29/2020 9:59:35 AM PDT
by
sitetest
(No longer mostly dead.)
To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; cardinal4; ColdOne; ...
For his part, Mark Zuckerberg programmed a lookalike android to testify.
Babylon Bee, of course.
18
posted on
10/29/2020 10:00:38 AM PDT
by
SunkenCiv
(Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie.)
To: BipolarBob
Guys who look like Dorsey and Zuckerberg basically control your access to free speech in America.
Just let that sink in for a moment.
19
posted on
10/29/2020 10:00:45 AM PDT
by
Buckeye McFrog
(Patrick Henry would have been an anti-vaxxer.)
To: BipolarBob
He came looking like this to show his contempt for the Senate.
20
posted on
10/29/2020 10:00:47 AM PDT
by
\/\/ayne
(I regret that I have but one subscription cancellation notice to give to my local newspaper)
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