Posted on 06/03/2020 3:19:49 AM PDT by sodpoodle
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
And this one just about sums them all up:
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Always funny.
Great! Thanks
I’ve always liked this one in particular:
“At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir.“
As a choir member at my church, I resemble that remark.
Prey harder.
After I posted the list from my email friend, I searched the internet for ‘religious jokes’ and found several.
Here are some more:
1.The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
2.Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
3.The peace making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
4.The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Lol!
Groucho Marx at Carnegie Hall:
“A priest saw me and said,’I’d just like
to thank you for all the joy you’ve brought into this world.’ I replied, ‘And
I’d like to thank you for all the joy
you’ve taken out of this world.’..
“One day a priest bumped into me and made
me drop my cigar.I went to pick it up and
said, ‘Jesus Christ!’ So the priest smiled and took out a cigar from his jacket.
Gave it to me. He said, ‘Groucho, you
just said the secret word.’”
And on the other hand they can all sound like little angels...but the other is more applicable in my church. Well, when they were still allowed to sing...never thought I’d miss them!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.