Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Constitution Dies Of Coronavirus
The Babylon Bee ^

Posted on 04/09/2020 8:29:35 AM PDT by metmom

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources at the National Archives, doctors rushed the United States Constitution to the hospital and were forced to hook the document up to a ventilator after it began having trouble breathing Sunday afternoon.

The document reportedly slipped into a coma en route to the emergency room and was in critical condition for many hours. Doctors confirmed the worst: the founding document of our nation was infected with the novel coronavirus. Finally, surrounded by one or two mourners, as most people in Washington abandoned it a long time ago, it slipped away Sunday night.

"Between both political parties constantly trampling all over the Bill of Rights and stretching and distorting the Constitution for political gain whenever it's convenient, I just don't know how much more abuse it could have taken," said one doctor as he pronounced the Constitution's time of death: 20:20, ironically.

The 232-year-old Constitution has had its share of health scares, nearly being killed in the 1860s, the 1930s and 40s, and the early 2000s, but medical experts say this last crisis was just more than it could take.

"It had many underlying conditions, of course, already being incredibly sick with Obamacare, Obergefell, Roe v Wade, the Patriot Act, and many more diseases," said the doctor. "But it's still sad to see this old boy pass on."

The Constitution's close relatives, including the Declaration of Independence, simply asked for Americans to send "thoughts and prayers" during this time of mourning.


TOPICS: Humor; Local News
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire

1 posted on 04/09/2020 8:29:35 AM PDT by metmom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: metmom

It’s been on life support since passing the 16th through 19th amendments...


2 posted on 04/09/2020 8:34:00 AM PDT by kosciusko51
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

I saw this one and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. BB has been spot on in recent months.


3 posted on 04/09/2020 8:34:00 AM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

Article V could revive it but too many concern trools and outright leftist opposition is preventing the cure the Constitution itself devised.


4 posted on 04/09/2020 8:35:06 AM PDT by Nateman ( Unless the left is screaming you are doing it wrong.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: gattaca

I hear you.


5 posted on 04/09/2020 8:37:43 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Nateman

Too many power brokers don’t want the Constitution.

Ironically, they are biting the hand that fees them. The very document that gave them this fantastic country and all their opportunities, is what they are trying to destroy.

Ingrates is hardly a strong enough word.

Traitors is more accurate but still doesn’t even come close to the kind of betrayal they are engaged in.


6 posted on 04/09/2020 8:39:39 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: metmom

As I just posted another thread, everyday this goes on is another day closer to socialism and Trump will be powerless to stop it.

Trump needs to get these so called experts in line. Fauci is the worst as he is using his bully pulpit to push the leftist agenda that a person’s economic situation is far down the list of concerns to the State.


7 posted on 04/09/2020 8:40:36 AM PDT by shotgun
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Nateman

When almost half of the members of the most conservative website opposes upholding the natural born citizen clause, it’s pretty much hopeless.


8 posted on 04/09/2020 8:44:36 AM PDT by Lurkinanloomin (Natural Born Citizens Are Born Here of Citizen Parents_Know Islam, No Peace-No Islam, Know Peace)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: metmom

Thinking quite the opposite, that more people will try to understand the logic behind what is in the Constitution and why it is so important and not fall for the Democratic Socialist, which even as Biden claims no Socialism, the media told us the Democratic Candidates policies weren’t so far apart.


9 posted on 04/09/2020 8:47:41 AM PDT by Son House
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

I can only imagine the wails about the greatly exaggerated “death of the Constitution” in the 40s from the people posting on this.


10 posted on 04/09/2020 8:54:51 AM PDT by VanDeKoik
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

And our state constitutions, particularly those in the older states, are collateral damage as well. Governors like our very own Tommie the Commie here in PA have asserted authority not granted by the state constitution and I’m quite sure he’s not the only one.


11 posted on 04/09/2020 8:59:28 AM PDT by ManHunter (You can run, but you'll only die tired... Army snipers: Reach out and touch someone)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

Things are pretty bad when you get more real news from the Babylon Bee than you do from the legacy media.


12 posted on 04/09/2020 9:04:48 AM PDT by Stosh
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: kosciusko51

I was thinking the same thing.

Coronavirus is nothing, compared to the Amendments that have been inflicted upon it.

It’s like watching pygmies trying to fix a jet engine that fell from the sky.


13 posted on 04/09/2020 9:05:21 AM PDT by Empire_of_Liberty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Son House

And that gives us an excellent opportunity to educate them about it.


14 posted on 04/09/2020 9:18:27 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Stosh

Exactly.


15 posted on 04/09/2020 9:18:55 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: metmom

16 posted on 04/09/2020 9:20:44 AM PDT by eyeamok
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: metmom

RIP Liberty!


17 posted on 04/09/2020 9:34:07 AM PDT by Uncle Miltie (BOYCOTT CHINA! - spread the word....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: gattaca
Sometimes one has to laugh to keep from crying. There is too much truth in just the title for it to be humorous.
18 posted on 04/09/2020 9:42:52 AM PDT by sport
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

Bump


19 posted on 04/09/2020 10:15:15 AM PDT by foreverfree
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson