Posted on 03/19/2020 2:50:59 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A Lexophile" describes those who have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."
An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year's submissions:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Are curse words allowed?
Dew knot all weighs trussed yore spell czech err.
A guy asked me what masochism means. “Beats me” I replied.
CC
Did you hear about the farmer who won an award because he was out standing in his field?
CC
Bookmark
The media are adept at writing wrongs.
You got at least 2 good ones.
Old math teachers never die, they just reduce to lowest terms.
Had that written on my geometry note book in high school. :)
If we’re telling jokes, I’ve got one: The Italian Healthcare System.
I see, said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw.
L8r
The pig went to market to get some oinkment.
I couldn’t understand why that ball kept getting closer and closer to me. Then it hit me.
ok
Thanks for the morning smiles.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
I play shoe horn in a cigar band.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.