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SATIRE Supreme Court OKs Death Penalty For Commenting On Articles Without Reading Them
Babylon Bee ^ | 12-30-2019 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 12/30/2019 1:31:40 PM PST by Jotmo

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a landmark decision, the U.S. Supreme Court bench handed down a ruling Thursday approving the death penalty for people who comment on articles without reading them.

In the highly publicized case, State of Texas v. Wilbur, state authorities had found internet user Edward Wilbur guilty of posting a comment on a story linked on his Facebook page, a news story Wilbur “had clearly never read.”

While most of those convicted under Texas’ recent state law banning commenting on news stories or opinion pieces without reading them get off with a few months of community service or a stiff fine, the “severe stupidity” of Wilbur’s comment reportedly landed him a shocking sentence of execution by lethal injection.

“Mr. Wilbur commented on a news story about a minor update to Texas public schools’ science curriculum,” prosecuting attorney Hank Cassidy told reporters outside the Supreme Court building just after the controversial ruling was announced. “But it was immediately apparent he hadn’t even read the article, and barely even glanced at the headline. He left a long, rambling comment attacking Obamacare, liberals, evolution in the school system, and chem trails, among other topics.”

According to Cassidy, this led to state officials taking Wilbur in for questioning before booking him on the capital charge of commenting without reading, kicking off a long appeals process, which finally concluded with the Supreme Court’s hearing of the case in today’s historic decision.

“This will be good for America,” the prosecuting attorney said. “Finally, justice has been done.”


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: beeber; judiciary; scotus; sidebarabuse; stuned; supremecourt
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To: Jotmo

Now where did I put that old tagline of mine. Ah yes. Here it is.....


41 posted on 12/30/2019 2:12:30 PM PST by Responsibility2nd (As a matter of fact, I DID only read the excerpt. OK, I intended to. Next time for sure.)
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To: Jotmo

Jim’s quarterly FReep-a-thons are gonna last about 3 years each.

Better hire Bernie to keep the books


42 posted on 12/30/2019 2:13:02 PM PST by Oscar in Batangas (January 20, 2017, High Noon. The end of an error.)
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To: Jotmo

What is the warning about?

I didn’t read the article yet.


43 posted on 12/30/2019 2:13:13 PM PST by Fightin Whitey
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To: Jotmo

"There are going to be fewer, but better Freepers."

44 posted on 12/30/2019 2:13:44 PM PST by Flick Lives (MSM, the Enemy of the People since 1898)
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To: Jotmo

I’m toast.

5.56mm


45 posted on 12/30/2019 2:15:03 PM PST by M Kehoe (DRAIN THE SWAMP! Finish THE WALL!)
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To: Jotmo

We actually had this toilet seat cover in our basement bathroom back in the 50's. Never thought it would really come to this.

46 posted on 12/30/2019 2:18:25 PM PST by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: Jotmo

TL;DR


47 posted on 12/30/2019 2:19:21 PM PST by PrairieDawg (live from the gator county)
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To: Inyo-Mono

And I meant to use “capitol crime” instead of “capital crime”....
Oh well.


48 posted on 12/30/2019 2:20:20 PM PST by mrsmith (Dumb sluts (M / F) : Lifeblood of the Media, Backbone of the Democrat/RINO Party!)
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To: Jotmo

“We must pass it to find out what’s in it.”
Prima Fascia evidence of guilt!


49 posted on 12/30/2019 2:22:20 PM PST by outofsalt (If history teaches us anything, it's that history rarely teaches anything.)
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To: Jotmo

What’s the article about? I didn’t read it.


50 posted on 12/30/2019 2:23:45 PM PST by MSgt Smith
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To: Jotmo

Bwahahaha!


51 posted on 12/30/2019 2:28:45 PM PST by SaxxonWoods (Epstein (Mr. Three Orgasms required daily) did a David Carradine.)
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To: Jotmo

I would never do that thing in the title.


52 posted on 12/30/2019 2:37:52 PM PST by tinyowl
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To: Jotmo

This is HUGH!!!!!


53 posted on 12/30/2019 2:38:13 PM PST by Hugh the Scot ("Jesus was a fundamentalist".- BipolarBob)
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To: Inyo-Mono

Only if they also use “rouge” and “trail”.


54 posted on 12/30/2019 2:53:42 PM PST by Ben Hecks
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To: bIlluminati
The women of the Supreme Court and Roberts and Breyer have falsely sworn alliegence to the Constitution of the United States.
55 posted on 12/30/2019 2:54:23 PM PST by A strike ( Ecclesiastes 10:2)
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To: bIlluminati
Not true. I saw a FR article with the Washingtoon Compost cited as byline just today

Well, then if we can post from foreign sources than that changes everything.

I would like a bunny with a pancake(&bacon) on it's head

7

56 posted on 12/30/2019 3:06:24 PM PST by infool7 (When you have the Lord, nothing else is important and everything is fascinating!)
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To: Jotmo

On this site it’s a Thanos snap...


57 posted on 12/30/2019 3:10:02 PM PST by GreenLanternCorps (Hi! I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts! (TM) Atsk about franchise opportunities in your area.)
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To: Flick Lives

Awesome... Don’t make them like that any more...


58 posted on 12/30/2019 3:14:54 PM PST by SuperLuminal (Where is Sam Adams now that we desperately need him)
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To: dfwgator

ROTF!

And here’s to that urban spaceman Neil Innes! Godspeed!


59 posted on 12/30/2019 3:17:03 PM PST by mewzilla (Break out the mustard seeds.)
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To: Jotmo

FR’s population just declined by 80%.


60 posted on 12/30/2019 3:32:56 PM PST by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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