Jokes

Readers Digest ^ | 12/12/2019 | multiple

[sodpoodle]

Ad spotted in my weekly bargain bulletin: “FOR SALE: Crestview cemetery plot, $200, so I don’t have to spend all eternity beside my ex!”

Our son was upset that his baseball coach yelled whenever he or a teammate made a mistake.

“It’s just something coaches do,” I said.

“It’s not personal.”

His response was hard to argue with: “If it’s not personal, then why do they use your name?”

The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question: “Then why is this in French?”

[sodpoodle]

Upon finding a clearly plagiarized paper, I called the student into my office. Pointing to my computer screen, I said, “I found your entire paper online. Do you have anything you want to say about that?”

Her angry response: “Well, I paid my sister to write it, but I didn’t think she’d plagiarize!”

[Quality_Not_Quantity]

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

[rfreedom4u]

While waiting in the emergency room waiting area (the wait was LONG) another lady said, “I don’t know why this takes so long. It’s not like we’re here for our health!”

[Manic_Episode]

Why doesnt Peter Strzok use bookmarks?

Because he just bends over a page...

[rlmorel]

Hahahah, love it...

[Jolla]

LOL, I’m going to use that one day.

[Jamestown1630]

LOL!

[Quilla]

A man goes to the zoo. The only animal in the whole zoo is a dog. It’s a shih tzu.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

[trisham]

LOL!

[trisham]

:)

[dainbramaged]

Two cannibals are having supper and one says: "I hate my mother in law!"
His friend replies: "So, try the potatoes".

[Hoffer Rand]

Two cannibals are eating their latest victim. One starts at the head, the other at the feet. First cannibal says “How’s your meal going?” Second cannibal says “great, I’m having a ball.” First cannibal says “Wait, you’re eating too fast.”

[far sider]

What is Santa Claus's nationality?

North Polish.

[hanamizu]

The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question: “Then why is this in French?”

---

I actually had this happen. Students were to write definitions for vocabulary words/phrases. Of course many use the glossary. The kid used the Spanish vocabulary and wrote a whole page in Spanish—he didn’t notice. I then realized that having kids define words was pointless to their learning them—at least for some of them.