How Loneliness Begets Loneliness

Pocket ^ | April 6, 2017 | Olga Khazan, The Atlantic

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

“I’m clearly a textbook case of the silent majority of middle-aged men who won’t admit they’re starved for friendship, even if all signs point to the contrary,” wrote Billy Baker in his recent exploration of male loneliness in The Boston Globe.

Perhaps one reason the piece made so many internet rounds is just how many people could relate: Last year Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that Americans are “facing an epidemic of loneliness and social isolation.”

Though “I’m going to die alone” is the common grumble among single people, scientifically, it’s more like, “I’m going to die if I’m alone.” A lack of social connections can spark inflammation and changes in the immune system, so lonely people are far more likely to die prematurely. Loneliness is more dangerous than obesity, and it’s about as deadly as smoking. The threat is considered so serious that England has created an entire “Campaign to End Loneliness.”

But in a cruel twist, the loneliest among us are set up to get lonelier still. People with few social connections experience brain changes that cause them to be more likely to view human faces as threatening, making it harder for them to bond with others.

To learn more about this conundrum, and how to resolve it, I recently spoke with John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago who wrote a book on loneliness and has researched the phenomenon extensively. An edited transcript of our conversation follows.

[Red Badger]

A World Without Love
Peter & Gordon
Produced by Dave Dexter Jr.
Album A World Without Love
Writer: Paul McCartney

Please lock me away
And don’t allow the day
Here inside, where I hide with my loneliness
I don’t care what they say
I won’t stay in a world without love

Birds sing out of tune
And rain clouds hide the moon
I’m okay, here I’ll stay with my loneliness
I don’t care what they say
I won’t stay in a world without love

So I wait and in a while
I will see my true love smile
She may come, I know not when
When she does, I’ll lose
So baby until then

Lock me away
And don’t allow the day
Here inside, where I hide with my loneliness
I don’t care what they say
I won’t stay in a world without love

So I wait and in a while
I will see my true love smile
She may come, I know not when
When she does, I’ll know
So baby until then

Lock me away
And don’t allow the day
Here inside, where I hide with my loneliness
I don’t care what they say
I won’t stay in a world without love

I don’t care what they say
I won’t stay in a world without love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdU4deFbUEQ

[dp0622]

SOMEBODY TALK TO ME OR I’LL LOSE MY MIND!!!!!!

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Thank God the cat speaks fluent English AND Italian

[dfwgator]

Eleanor Rigby is The Beatles’ song that seems to be more apropos here.

[lee martell]

I’m thinking of buying a little robot puppy for a relative of mine. She’s in her 60’s, and what used to be called an
Old Maid. No husband, boyfriend or kids. Plus, she has completely retired early.

I have only partially retired.
I like a little regular contact through part time work.
I do not have to work five days a week anymore, and I don’t.
I’m hoping she doesn’t get insulted that I would even ask her such a question.

[Mariner]

Cure: Become a regular at your local bar.

4 times a week.

Eat a burger and drink two beers.

Conversate with the drunks.

[crosdaddy]

I live alone, but wasn’t lonely until two Fridays ago when my best friend ( my wire fox terrier) died on me. I miss him terribly, he was my shadow, and now he’s gone.

[coaster123]

All is vanity.

[coaster123]

Good practical advise.

Becoming a regular anywhere invites a new life.

[CIB-173RDABN]

Unless you live in a remote place, there is no reason to be alone, if you don’t want to be.

What are your interest? I gurantee you that there is most likely people with similar interest that meet every so often.

Attend a church, join a fraternal organization. Get active in your community. Volunteer at your local hospital.

As others pointed out, become a regular somewhere. May be a bar or it may be the local McDonalds. Show up often enough and you will soon be talking to the other regulars.

If you want friends you can have friends, but you have to make the effort to find them, they will not randomly knock on your door and ask to be your friend (well the Mormons might).

[buckalfa]

One can be smothered in love by immediate family, yet be made lonely by lack of outside associations.

[JohnnyP]

Oh wow, I was a senior in H.S. when that came out.

Yeah, I’m 72. My wife has cancer but she is doing well. Don’t want to be left alone so I am researching cancer like mad.

Here she is getting prepped for the hyperbaric chamber last week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtC-QEbUq88

Please excuse, I started it on portrait, not knowing any better.

[Dilbert San Diego]

Dennis Prager was talking today about the subject of friendships for adults.

I didn’t hear it all, as I was at work, listening off and on.

But I think the gist of it was that some people have a hard time making friends as adults, and that marriage,family, and work, make it hard to find time to nurture these friendships.

One woman caller to the program said she was happy to live alone, and be alone, after her divorce. Marriage was a struggle for her, and she didn’t feel the need for friendships in her life.

[sparklite2]

“facing an epidemic of loneliness and social isolation.”

---

Being alone does not equate to being lonely.
I live alone by choice and am just fine, thanks.
Women should be grateful I no longer inflict
myself on them. I certainly am.

[Innovative]

How about a real puppy?

A little more work, than a robot, but also more satisfying, as they show real love and appreciation.

I knew a lady, who had a small dog, until the day she died in her 80-s.

[Innovative]

Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is lonely.

Some people are lonely, others are fine.

[ronniesgal]

i don’t have any friends, really. a couple of long distance ladies i knew way back when is all.
I really don’t care though. People tend to overshare rather quickly, and i find that off putting. Medical, money, marital woes is something i don’t need to hear about, especially if i do not know you well.

[JohnnyP]

I was playing pool twenty hours a week, meanwhile Shirley was silently praying I would stop.

I quit cold turkey (yes, pool can be an addiction) to spend more time on my business and help my wife. She was in a lot of pain, then three years later we found it was cancer attacking her spine.

Pool is a great hobby, especially if you are alone. I played at a local sports bar that held weekly tournaments four days a week, so there are lots up guys to gab with.

[lee martell]

This cousin does not want the bother of walking, feeding or playing with a dog unless she is already in the mood.
I wouldn’t dare just surprise her with a real one.
Most likely, it would be promptly shipped the local humane society. She’s set in her ways already at age 65.

[BradyLS]

“Hey...! Heeeyyy!!! Ther’ya’ar!!! Been waitin’tkin’ t’ya’ll day! Whaddayasay, pal? How’bout them dam’Dawgs, eh? Kicked ther’rass, right? RIGHT??? Dam’right. Say. Ken’ I askya’a small favver...???”