Posted on 06/20/2019 10:03:45 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”
I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.
But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.
First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.
(Excerpt) Read more at yahoo.com ...
Post #50; thats hitting “the wall”, that clock was ticking
Slootz do not make good LTRs
And its he is NOT a bad guy for making this a deal breaker. Tired of the white knight shaming “man up and and marry those sloots!”
I never said, nor suggested, he was a bad guy if he decides he can’t deal with it. Just said, there is nothing she can do about it... the ball is in his court.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wirXvuRATiE
(famous for putting her legs behind her head, she could get both legs behind her head)
This is such a male shaming tactic, and its total BS.
So one would ask questions about ones health, finances, community service, family relationship, education, etc. And one would judge a woman to be admirable for having positive qualities if they took care of themselves and their finances, or devoted themselves to community, family, or education.
But the moment you ask about N count and past, then ITS ALL ON YOUR INSECURITY. What a stinking pile.
It has many bad consequences if one does not vet their partners.
The nerd probably has seen the divorce odds for women with 10+ partners, and can figure his odds correctly.
She will shortly be looking for someone better, as she has been doing for quite some time, apparently. She's just now old enough to start looking for monetary security instead of thrills.
Unrestrained hypergamy does not care. The odds of divorce go way up with her N count. Statistically proven.
This is such a male shaming tactic, and its total BS. So one would ask questions about ones health, finances, community service, family relationship, education, etc. And one would judge a woman to be admirable for having positive qualities if they took care of themselves and their finances, or devoted themselves to community, family, or education. But the moment you ask about N count and past, then ITS ALL ON YOUR INSECURITY. What a stinking pile.
Is she insecure about her poor decision making about who has access to her body/womb?
I don't feel the need to tell the other story on men and marriage as men's faults on marriage and relationships have been well publicized for most of the last 50 years in TV news, TV shows, traditional print media, colleges, etc. But I stand by my 10:1+ based on % of time women take the kids and % of alimony recipients.
As for me, yes, my state, like most states, does have the alimony go away if you get re-married, however it also has the ability to grant lifetime alimony. Given my separated wife could never generate the kind of income I make or even close to it and my income is likely to continue to rise to possibly even 7 digits a year in the next 5 years, we settled on 1 year of alimony for each year of marriage regardless of whether or not she re-marries. Between saving on litigation cost and the real potential for lifetime alimony and no provision for higher alimony if I get promoted to CFO (she'd never re-marry with what I'm paying her annually - my alimony is more than typical household makes a year in my state - and its tax free to her), I went ahead and took the fixed amount with no suspension if she were to re-marry. In my case, my wife has severe depression issues and alcohol abuse among other issues, and as these things go, the divorce proceedings are relatively cordial. It'll set my retirement date back 2-3 years from 45-46 to 48-50 if I dont ever make CFO but I can cope with that.
I have about 30 posts on this thread, so I don’t know which statement you are saying is incorrect.
Post 481 is spot on
lolz, i just got past to 500+ and lost track after trying to read you and rb going at it. Give me a moment to go back and find it.
Ah then, misunderstood.
Any man who is pressing for that information already has his suspicions and is looking for a reason to despise you. She’s better off getting away from him. Write that 2 years off as a learning experience, because he is never, ever going to forget and it’ll come up again and again. He’s an angry man.
I disagreed with the assumption "he's an angry man" because studies show that people with more partners, and even more so women, have a harder time pair bonding into lasting relationships and marriage. Studies show that as your partner count goes up, your chance for divorce goes way up.
Now, that guy is going to have resentment if he stays in that relationship. That I agree with you about, but I would not just chalk that up to male anger.
At the of the day(thanks to feminism), there is a disincentive for men to marry and an incentive for women to divorce. That is not going to change any time soon.
See, eons and eons of toxic masculinity has taught men that they need to be sexually confident and experienced, and a lot of men struggle with living out what they proclaim to get—that it’s OK for a woman to have had more sexual partners—because it somehow makes them feel ashamed.
Written like a college freshman, parroting narratives.
Its eons and eons of evolutionary biology that teaches men to vet their partners.
And high risk for being a future cat lady, with the crazy eyed, 1000 cac stare.
That 'toxic' masculinity created the Western world, a safe place for the weak, that ironically gives them a forum to spew their venom and hatred of the environment created for them.
I’m not a woman. Dismissing evidence, or criticism, I don’t like is not one of my coping mechanisms.
Even feminist and liberal scholars are subject to critical review, so when you can’t produce any it’s a pretty clear indicator “the fix is in.”
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