I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

Not necessarily. You are generalizing. Doesn’t work that way in love and marriage.

Of course I"m generalizing. When you are dealing with 330 million Americans (and another 600m in Europe), Western culture will have all kinds of exceptions. But playing the odds is always a good idea unless you can stack the deck in your favor (most cannot).

True but its because for men scoring is hard. Women can have sex whenever they want to, as long as they are willing to lower their standards some. Men not so much.

There is an old saying that sums it up nicely; a key that opens any lock is a master key, a lock that opens for any key is worthless.

I don't use the term "slut" for men.

That's why I said you call women sluts. I didn't mean you call ALL women sluts, I mean all the people you calls sluts are women. Because you are angry at women. That's why you have special names for them.

So, how many lovers can a man have before you get upset enough to call him names? Can you give me a number? Is it the same number as for women?

And no, she didn't admit to being a slut. She just said something that made you decide you were authorized to call her a slut.

Well, if you can decide (on such sparse information) that she is a slut, I can decide that he is angry. And what's funny is that you are reacting as though calling a man angry is far more provocative than calling a woman slut.

Well, of course, in your world, it IS more provocative. For a woman to criticize a man in any way brings men like you roaring (angrily) out of their den.

Because you are angry at women.

You argue like a leftist, making everything personal. You don't know me from Adam, yet you presume to know my state of mind. That's incredibly arrogant of you, and utterly wrong.

Now I asked you a polite question: Is habitual, random, promiscuous copulation "OK" in your book?

Can you answer that?

If a woman had several one night stands, that is the very definition of slutty. And no, it isn’t the same for men.

You should put that on a T-shirt and wear it every day. In fact, all men who feel that way should come with some sort of warning label. Maybe a tattoo.

I had a few older women relatives who stayed in their marriage while a husband strayed constantly - because they were financially stuck and had few options (and rarely could they go back home if things went south.)

I dunno if that was the case with my Grandmother (probably some but I dunno) but probably the second one.

But the double standards I'm reading on this thread just make me shake my head in disgust, especially with men who think that they can cat around for a few years before settling down but expect the women to have stayed in a convent 'til they showed up and then live the subservient life when their husband hasn't acted respectfully.

The biggest laugh though is all of the Oscar Meyer weiner jokes when A) Kegels and B) That usually means that he's not made their marriage bed one where she enjoys the experience, too.

But then I'm reading from the incel posts on Reddit that the men won't put forth the effort to make it mindblowing for her "because she's not going to enjoy it anyway so I might as well enjoy it."

Talk about Schrodinger's bed.

I once had a proposal from a man who was a high official in CA state gov’t, a three story house, a caddy, and a boat. But he was divorced and had children from his first marriage.

Money ain’t everything. And if I had married him, I would not have had to work another day of my life. But it wasn’t the kind of life I wanted.

He was used material.

I know exactly what is to blame and it is no-fault divorce, child support laws, family courts, and the practice of believing any claim no matter how little evidence there is of it.

But the things I and that other poster were talking about (when you butted in) were women having the right to have credit, own property, and hold down jobs. Those are the things that we were saying helped women not be trapped and subservient anymore, and you butted in to say "Was it worth it?" NOW you say it was these other things.

Your argument is all over the place. If your argument is that women must be trapped and subservient to have a strong family, my response is that it isn't worth it to me. If your argument is that government replacing men is what destroyed the family, then you and I agree. But you need to figure out exactly what your stance is and stick with it.

He was used material.

ROFL!!!

That's exactly how a great many men would view the female questioner in the original post. Everybody, man or woman, has some threshold of "used" beyond which they lose interest. When contemplating marriage, does it not make sense that the parties know ahead of time just how "used" (or not) their prospective spouse actually is? Does concealing such information not border on fraud?

But the double standards I'm reading on this thread just make me shake my head in disgust,

Yes. Some of them are so over-the-top I wonder if they are actually really clever Leftie Trolls trying to make conservative men look like angry, sneering, hateful, blustering troglodytes. If so, a couple of them are trolling at Wizard level.

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