Who do I call?

5/31/2019 | antidemoncrat

[antidemoncrat]

While mowing grass the other day I spotted a red plastic straw someone had dropped at the edge of our property. I wasn't sure if I should report the incident to the Environmental Protection Agency or the Department of Defense.

[rolling_stone]

take your dog to a friends house so he doesn’t get shot when swat shows up...

[Songcraft]

Call Mueller.   He should have some free time on his hands now, and he should be able to really investigate this thoroughly for the next couple years, and write a couple fat books about it.   He is widely known now for his in-depth, spare-no-expense, comprehensive investigations, of vitally important matters such as this.

[cyclotic]

Last summer, my wife and I hiked 14 miles along a West Michigan beach looking for straws. We found none.

You found the one I wanted.

[waterhill]

Your local Dairy Queen.

[Yaelle]

How many turtles died before you eventually found that straw?

[BitWielder1]

Don't tell anyone for 30 years until your neighbor's kid runs for office.
Then accuse him of putting it there and derail his political career.

[MrEdd]

Thank you.
I left off adding a picture of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in order to post it faster.

[bayliving]

This is a series situation that could have hugh consequences!

Did you happen to notice if the straw had a flexi end on it??? If so, this may be a matter that’s best dealt with via the newly created Space Force! If it’s just a straight straw then the National Guard should be able to handle it.

Either way, won’t somebody please think of the baby sea turtles?!?!

[gibsosa]

Hahahahahah!!!!

[tiki]

I had to do the right thing, it was obvious to me that you were trying to conceal your own guilt. I called the Feds and I understand they have obtained a FISA warrant on you and your family and all your associates on FR.

[Smellin Salt]

On a lighter note, I’ve been contacted by Nigerian royalty. I’m rich b##tches!!!!!!

[Songcraft]

(On the other hand, you don't know which nose that straw was inserted in, nor what they were snorting through it!)

       

[dirtymac]

Is that a bigoted sexist statement against some white gay guy???

What else do you mean when you say call ‘Dairy Queen”? Sound Homophobic to me if that only white gay guys can handle deadly toxic waste

[RightGeek]

[Bob434]

LOL- and have someone standing nearby, with a can of gasoline, to put the fire out with if it starts getting out of control

[HotHunt]

I live down the highway a couple of miles from a McDonalds fast-food joint.

I mow over plastic straws all of the time from there that people throw out of their cars. Plastic cups too.

I don't tell anybody. Works for me.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Ray Parker Jr.

[EdnaMode]

Be careful, it might be rabid!

[Bob434]

you never know- mighta been from a citizen trying to smuggle the straw across state lines in an unmentionable body cavity- The things people will do for sippy drinks

I’m thinkin it coulda been planted by russians, in hopes of causing the democrat party to melt down and lose the next election too- They’re pretty twicky ya know!

[Wizski]

I just want to know how CNN knew you found it and had a crew on site to film the discovery. Breaking News.