Posted on 11/13/2018 12:48:53 PM PST by sodpoodle
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
(Excerpt) Read more at laughfactory.com ...
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
George Soros: So he could join a caravan.
why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Brenda C. Snipes: So he could count chickens.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Gavin Newsome: To visit San Francisco
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Guv. Andrew Cuomo: To pay his taxes.
“dam fish”
Heard that 40 years ago as a Little Johnny joke.
Must be air between my ears, I still don’t get it.
The answer to the question, which came first the chicken or the egg is neither......it was the rooster.
Mine is a lo-flo toilet that you have to flush several times. I call it 'Albert'.
True story.
I was at the hospital talking with some nurses in the hall. Told them when I had open heart surgery, they had to cut off my wedding band. After 32 years there was no way I could get it off. One of the nurses told me that was more common for men than women. “How so?”, I asked. She said, “When your knuckles drag on the ground, they swell up.”
A mother of twin boys, aged 8 years old, goes to the Dr. and complains that she just can’t seem to keep the boys from cussing all of the time. The Dr. recommends that she actually discipline the boys with a good spanking (very old Joke). She decides to put this advice into action the following morning,
So the next morning the boys come down for breakfast and she asked the boys what they want for breakfast. The first boys says Sh*t, just give me some G*d damned Cheerios. The mother grabs him up by his ear and swats his butt several time and drops him back in his chair. She then snarls to the other shocked little boy as to what he wants. He replies Anything! Anything other than those f*cking Cheerios.
Because the chicken is the only thing she might be able to beat in a fair race!
Way back when in Science class, a friend was tasked by the teacher to use “mitosis” in a sentence....he said, “It’s cold in here, mitosis freezing”.
Good morning trebb;)
My Clinton Contribution:
Hillary Clinton crossed the road twice, because she is a ‘double crosser’!!!!
Those are brilliant!!!
Huma found a nickel and stuck it up her a$$.
From an OLD Homer and Jethro song....
“She had nine buttons on her nightgown. But she could only FASC-IN-ATE.”
Oh let me go, let me go, let me go, blubber....
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