Posted on 09/26/2018 2:29:08 PM PDT by sodpoodle
Golf Club Sign
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 7. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING. 9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. 10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did I read that sign right?
In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling.
That’s so funny. Thank you!
Sign on broken elevator:
Elevator out of whack.
Handwritten below it:
More whack on order..............
No...wait a minute...did not sound right.
I wasn’t talking about your computer troubles. I meant the jokes.
Think it’s British stuff;)
That is funny;)
The fat shaming in that one is downright insulting! lol
Sign on college classroom door:
Class cancelled professor is il
handwritten bat end: (sic)...............
Hi RB
Sent this proposal to JR a few days ago - before my computer crashed - what do you think???? Maybe I’ll start a humor thread;)
Why not have a Freepathon lottery? Everyone gets a lottery ticket for each $10 donation. After deducting $90K - FreeRepublic’s overhead for the quarter, the excess is the lottery winning amount. (could be $100 could be $100K)
Onyx could be in charge of placing the tickets in the spin drum - and Admin Moderator selects one winning ticket on deadline day.
The winner is responsible for paying his/her taxes.
Hey - it could work - everyone is a gambler!!
God bless.
Yep! Punctuation, or the lack - changes everything;)
EXIT
Do not use
Might work.............
Heh
What next at that park? HIPPOS STAY OUT OF THIS POND!
Hilarious!
Tech Support: Can I have the address on the account?
Me: Sure, it's ### Xxxxxxx Circle.
Tech Support: Ok, are you at the end of the street?
Me: My street is a circle.
For some reason, after reading through the list, this popped into my head:
Once, many years ago (too many), while stationed at one of the remote radar sites in Alaska, my friend in the communications center showed me a message He received from our Headquarters. It read:
"We have received complaints from the Radar sites about not receiving messages from this HQ".
"Therefore, we are hereby instructing all Radar sites to compile and transmit to us a list of all the messages they did not receive, so that we can retransmit them."
I asked Him how was He able to "compile a list of messages He had not received".
Rolling His eyes and shrugging His shoulders, He laughed and said "Let's go to the Club for some beers."
Sticker under handset of desk phone: “Phone not working? Call Help Desk at ...”
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