Posted on 06/15/2018 6:20:11 AM PDT by metmom
BILLUND, DENMARK—Lego has just introduced new and improved interlocking plastic bricks that will instantly kill you when you step on them, sources at the company’s headquarters confirmed Thursday.
The sharper edges in the new design will just immediately put you out of your misery, so you don’t have to roll around on the ground in excruciating pain for minutes on end. Utilizing advanced laser-driven techniques, Lego factories can now hone the edges of the famously sharp and painful bricks to such a fine point that the human nervous system instantly shuts down upon coming into contact with them.
“Our engineers have been hard at work trying to come up with ways to make an even deadlier brick, and they’ve finally made a breakthrough,” Lego head of design Arnbjørn Frandsen said in a press conference. According to Frandsen, internal company tests have shown the new bricks have a 99.7% success rate at ending the life of the unfortunate person to inadvertently step on even just a single Lego. “This is the most promising advancement we’ve made in our brick design since we first introduced the bricks that make it feel like your foot is being stabbed by a hundred sharpened katanas many decades ago.”
Found some in the spare room I’m cleaning out. Brought back memories.
My kids are well past the lego stage. But I currently have a bruise on the bottom of my foot from a dog bone...
They eliminated the full thickness lego plates because of this. Lego is not the same without them.
I stepped on MANY a Lego brick as a child. I think the little 2 cells bricks were te worst. They really dug in. With these new razor sharp Legos, those little 2 cell bricks probably have to be surgically removed.
Waiting periods for Legos?
Background checks for Legos?
Require a $200 tax for a license to own assault Legos?
If anything, we should at least ban Legos from school property. I would hate to see a kid do a Mass Lego to a classroom full of innocent kids.
It is time to bring back Lincoln Logs. Save the Lincoln Logs!
Man, if you think stepping on a Lego brick is bad, try a screw or a small sharp metal corner on something from an erector set. Man, talk about pain...
“Assault Bricks”
Obviously cannot be sold to those who cannot pass a background check.
Very funny.
“Everything is Awesome!”
Sadly I am not a patient man but always allowed them to rescue their toys from the bin. It did teach them that I was a man of my word though. There is no point in making threats or promises unless you are willing to carry them out. Now my boys are 32 and 28 and while they are far from perfect they do give me an inordinate amount of respect an love so I ,ust have done something right. God has been so good to me that I am now a grandfather and I see my eldest boy has the same resolve as I did. Beimg a grandfather is Gods gift for not strangling your own children :)
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