[Impy]

What? You expect a comedy skit every week? What am I, your clown? Shall I sing 'Vesti la giubba'?

"What's wrong, babe?"

You know very well what's wrong, the wifi speed is on the fritz and you clogged the toilet again! I don't don't understand how an Internet meme can use so many tampons! Plus the North Koreans are gonna get on my case for posting an NFL thread!! After the day I'm having!!!! Uggggg!!!

"Did you know that in addition to yall White crackas boycotting my homeboys for kneeling that dozens, even scores of WOKE people are boycotting for anotha reason, because I'm being blacklisted!? #noKaepernicknoNFL"

Yeah, actually, I did know that, Colon. I also know how you can get off the 'blacklist', interested? If I tell you need to promise to screw off and stop interupting our threads.

"Deal, cracka. I know you can't see em through this dope hairdo but I'm all ears."

Ok then, what you need to do is simple, you need to remember how to complete a forward pass before your O-lineman start growing Rip Van Winkle beards. If you are able to do that they'd let you play and be as big of a piece of crap douche clubhouse cancer as you like!

"Ah I tried dat though, dat's hard. Even harder than choosing a pair of sneakers to wear from my massive collection, isn't there another way?"

Well, you could always shoot straight and fly right, there are plenty of cruddy QBs in the leauge who aren't clubhouse cancers. You can suck at your job or you can be human garbage, but not both.

"I love your shoe collection, Colon. Mine is better though."

"Alexa, is Imelda Marcos still alive?"

"Yes, as far as I know Imelda Marcos is still alive, she's 88 years old."

"Of course I'm alive! I'm talking you aren't I?"

"Yarr, you actually don't need to be alive to be here, I'm living proof. Or not living proof, you know what I mean, the Red Witch reanimated my corpse."

"Witch? Excuse me, I won't toletate bigoted comments toward my religion!"

"Wait, aren't you fictional?"

"I know you did not just call her fictional! That's racist, and there's no way your shoes is nicer than mine!"

"Help, someone help me, the pitchforks, they're poking me! I've got padding back there but it still hurts! Help!"

"Sorry, resurrecting your team is beyond my powers."

[Red Badger]

Winners:

Eagles, Patriots, Steelers, Saints...................

[big'ol_freeper]

over the

over the

over the

over the

[Impy]

Bender's NFL Thread: Ping

Note: Trolls need to food to live, let them starve

[Bodleian_Girl]

What. Did. I. Just. Read.

[colorado tanker]

Why should N.E. and Pittsburgh even have to play? Their opponents have no chance. Did you see how bad the Jagwads played? My wife wondered what was going on because my son and I were cracking up about how bad both teams were.

[Enterprise]

Oh belly button goddess, nothing is wrong. Sigh.

Anyway, here goes. And amateur comment following.

1. Atlanta
2. N.E
3. Pitt
4. Minn

1. I'm convinced Atlanta has playoff experience and they will prevail.
2. No Way Tennessee gets a last second tip to the QB for a TD this week.
3. Jax put up a whopping 10 points to Buffalo when they should have roasted them. Pitt has the home game, and too many weapons for Jax to cover.
4. Toughest of the bunch to figure. Brees passing game came alive against Newton, but I don't think he can do it with Minn. Brees is going to have to beat Minn with Kamara and Ingram. Keenum will have to beat Brees with the passing game. Have to take the home team.

[edzo4]

In before the self righteous anti NFL trolls.

[Jim W N]

NE
Jags
Eagles
Vikes

Famous analysis later...

[Bender2]

Thanks again, Imp, for taking over while I am... indisposed--

Winner are:
Falcons
Big's Patycheaters
Stoolers
Viqueens

[OttawaFreeper]

Championship droughts divisional round:
2016-New England Patriots (defending Super Bowl champions)
2009-New Orleans Saints
2008-Pittsburgh Steelers
1995-Jacksonville Jaguars (never having won a championship or been to a Super Bowl yet in their existence)
1966-Atlanta Falcons (never having won a championship, but have made 2 Bowl appearances including last year’s against the Patriots).
1961-Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans-Never having won a championship in NFL, but won 1960 and 1961 AFL titles as Oilers. One Bowl appearance against St. Louis Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV.
1960-Minnesota Vikings-Never having won a championship, 4 Bowl appearances with last in Super Bowl XI in 1976 against Oakland Raiders.
1960-Philadelphia Eagles-Never having won a Bowl with two appearances in Super Bowl XV and XXXIX. NFL champions in 1960 against Green Bay Packers. 3rd longest drought in NFL behind Arizona Cardinals (1947 as Chicago Cardinals) and Detroit Lions (1957).

[Rummyfan]

I did not know Imelda Marcos was still alive....

[Conservative Gato]

If Carson Wentz wasn't hurt, I'd call the Eagles-Falcons a draw since the Falcons have successful playoff experience. I too will have to go with playoff experience and the Falcons.

The Titans benefited greatly from Andy Reid's horrible game planning in the second half. Chiefs fans were warned by Eagles fans how terrible Andy was in the playoffs. He is 1-4 with the Chiefs in the post season and I believe most of those were come-from-behind wins by the opposing teams. As a Chiefs fan, Andy is a great regular season coach but I can see where Eagles fans complained about him in the playoffs. I'm at the point I hope he is not there next season. That being said, the Titans won't run in to terrible coaching like that with the Patriots, so I pick thePatriots in this one.

I guess it just depends on which Steelers team shows up in this one. They do have the playoff experience and are at home so I will have to go with the Steelers

Case Keenum??? He's played out of his mind this year but before that he was a fairly average QB. We'll have to see if he has continued success with the playoff pressure. Drew Brees has been here before, he has a pretty good running game and not a bad defense so I will have to go with the Saints

CGato

[pepsi_junkie]

Eagles Vs Falcons: Eagles win the battle of the birds
Patriots Vs Titans: Patriots squeak by the Titans
Steelers Vs Jaguars: Steelers win
Saints Vs Vikings: Vikings are the only road team to win one in this round.

[al_c]

Philly
Patsies
Steelers
Ain’ts

[Cletus.D.Yokel]

Saturday, Jan 13, 2018
Atlanta
New England

Sunday, Jan 14, 2018
Pittsburgh
New Orleans

[kosciusko51]

NFC: #6 Atlanta [X] at #1 Philadelphia

AFC: #5 Tennessee [X] at #1 New England

AFC: #3 Jacksonville at #2 Pittsburgh [X]

NFC: #4 New Orleans at #2 Minnesota [X]

[Rummyfan]

The Divisional Playoff round! Typically the best weekend of the NFL season. Pretenders were weeded out last week and now the real games start. So let's go!

Saturday, Jan 13, 2018 (All times Eastern)

NFC: #6 Atlanta at #1 Philadelphia 4:35pm NBC Sorry, Eagles fans. Nick Foles has shown the last several games that he just can't lead the Iggles offense like Carson Wentz did. I mean, at some point you have to score some points! And playoff games tend to revel a team's weaknesses, and Philadelphia's weakness is... Nick Foles! OTOH, the Black Birds are finally firing on all cylinders, on both sides of the ball, and they will therefore return to the NFC Championship game. FALCONS.

AFC: #5 Tennessee at #1 New England 8:15pm CBS The Titans... one, I think they used up all their mojo last week - see Mariota throwing and receiving a TD pass, on the same play! Two, Bill Belichick is not Andy Reid, and if things are slipping away late in the game he'll make the necessary moves to stop the bleeding, even if it means running the Statue of Liberty play. Three, I don't see the Titans being able to put up enough points to keep up with New England. That means, four.... Patriots.

Sunday, Jan 14, 2018

AFC: #3 Jacksonville at #2 Pittsburgh 1:05pm CBS Can the Jaguars repeat their performance from earlier in the season against the Steelers? Will they force Big Ben into another five INTs? Maybe they will but.... That offense? It's going to take more than 10 points to win this game ... Roethlisberger, Brown, Bell... Pittsburgh has some weapons for sure. So I just don't see the Jags being able to put up enough points to win this. Steelers.

NFC: #4 New Orleans at #2 Minnesota 4:40pm FOX This matchup.... I love Brees and the Saints. Downed the Panthers. Three times! The run game is awesome. On the other side... Case Keenum. Yeah, Case Keenum. And i'm not ready to jump on the Keenum Bandwagon. Not when comparing him to Brees, a guy with both tons of playoff experience and a championship in his pocket to boot. So sorry to destroy all that sentiment for the Vikings to be the first team to host the Super Bowl while playing in it, gotta go with New Orleans. Saints.

Good luck everyone!

[freedumb2003]

Pretty good there Imp!

I still have sworn off the nfl forever but your post was extremely well-done and made me smile.

[bagster]

Hotlanta

Cheatriots

Picksburg

Aints

Impy, that was hilarious!

Bodlian Girl, your seven mile long poem almost turned me gay. The Chicago girl saved me at the last second.