Posted on 12/12/2017 9:06:31 AM PST by Impy
Well Belly Button Chick, No One 
saw last night's win by the Phins coming. No One saw our Bearlies winning either, though I chock that one up the Bengals new mascot 
David Wu.
"That picture is older than half my body parts. I'm more interested in the Pats game, what the hell happend?"
"I'll field that one Sasha."
Dolphins Quarterback Jay Cutler! Her name's not Sasha.
"She looks like a Sasha. I like that name, I'm gonna call my next kid that, boy or girl. I'm a douche, aren't I? I gave all my kids awful Generation Snowflake names. Anyhow, it was the throwback jersey I wore, you see it....actually maybe my friend Al could explain better. Al?"
"Sure thing, Jay. You see folks, the jersey utilizes the latest in space age technology to allow 1984 Dan Marino to 'Quantum Leap' into Jay's body. Also, I put something in Brady's water bottle to give him diarrhea."
"Why would you do such a thing, you scurvy dog!"
"Time travel is difficult to explain Mr. Commish, suffice it say that it was quite neccessary to prevent Nazi time agents from stealing the Death Star Plans out of Coach Belichick's playbook. Also, I put 15 large on Miami."
"I haven't felt so violated since Lois Einhorn dug her gun into my hip."
"Dan Marino? Aren't you that old QB in that hideous Mastercard™ commercial with that short chick with the huge gozongas from that sitcom that got cancelled?"
"What? No! That's Joe Montana. Don't judge him too harshly, his wife rang up a HUUUUUUGE Mastercard™ bill, she has a bad faberge egg habit. This was the only way he could pay it off. It was a Don Draper 
ad, at age 80 he's just not what he used to be."
Well, thank you for stopping by fellas. Sad news to report as Eagles QB Carson Wentz is out for the year with a torn ACL. He's a devout Christian and all-around good guy. :/
"Oh well, sucks 2b him. Mr. Commissioner, I demand you force the Eagles to hire Colin Kaepernick to replace him, right now. Collusion!!!! Collusion!!!"
Ser Charles Barkley! By what rights does a former bball player intefere in this matter?
"I speak on belhalf of all jackass media clowns who immediately brought up Kaepernick before Wentz was even in the lockeroom! Do as we say, Captain Smith!"
"Arrg, I don't know who this fellow is, Alexa who is Colin Kaepernick?"
"Ha! I knew all you White Echo Dots were racist!"
"Before anyone makes fun of me again I'd like to point at that while I do stink 4 games out of every 5, I'm a loyal patriotic Trump supporter unlike Mr. Milk Dud head over here!"
"Why you honkey! Vote Doug Jones for Senate, Roy Moore is tuuuuuuuuurrible!"
"You are no true knight, Ser."
"What's wrong with you King honkey? It's spelled 'Sir'! I could do with having less honkeys around!"
"Fewer."
"Hey Al, what kind of phone is that you got there? That's not the one that catches on fire, is it? Impy, that's what I want for Christmas!"
Ok, I'll take out a 2nd mortgage to get you that, doll. One final thing, a shout out to ace return specialist Devin Hester 
, who's annouced his retirement. Who knows how many more kickoff return TDs he would have had if Roggy the Clown didn't act to ruin one of the most exciting plays in football.
Okay, was it my imagination or did Brady sulk off the field last night without shaking Jay Cutler’s hand?
I didn’t see that part, but after that performance I wouldn’t be surprised. I think Pittsburgh will win the AFC.
i LIKE THE THREAD!
What is an “NFL”?
Non-Fermi liquid, don’t ask me to explain, that stuff goes right over my head.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fermi_liquid_theory#Non-Fermi_liquids
Hopefully someone will post pictures of the empty Giants stadium on Sunday—since I won’t be watching.
The Giants picked a great year to croak—my boycott continues for five upcoming Goodell years so don’t bother rebuilding, guys!
I haven’t seen a worse game from the Patriots since the days they were the laughing stock of the league. I loved it.
“NFL” is the code for threads where freepers can virtue signal that they have no interest in football, but display an interest by posting on the threads. This is called ‘cognitive dissonance,’ or ‘Look at me, Ma!’
Denver at X Indianapolis X Brisset > Trevor I forget his name
Chicago at X Detroit X
L.A. Chargers at X Kansas City X Because Chargers — their 74 remaining fans are hopeful now
Arizona at X Washington X
X Baltimore X at Cleveland
Cincinnati at X Minnesota X
Green Bay at X Carolina X Green Bay fans discover irony
Houston at X Jacksonville X
Miami at X Buffalo X “What is the white stuff out here?”
N.Y. Jets at X New Orleans X
X Philadelphia X at N.Y. Giants
L.A. Rams at X Seattle X
X New England X at Pittsburgh Because Beelzu-Bill
Tennessee at X San Francisco X
X Dallas X at Oakland
X Atlanta X at Tampa Bay
Thurs.: Colts, both are missing a QB
Saturday: Lions, Chargers
Cards
Browns to finally win one
Vikings for their 11th win and clinch the North
Jags as their D romps over Houston
Fins for 2 straight
Iggles, even without Wentz
Seahawks
Pats to keep in front of Pitts
Titans, and Mariota may throw for 200, maybe even 300
Dallas on Sun. night
Falcons fly over Tampa on MNF
I am rooting for Bryce Petty to succeed with the Jets at QB. He’s a good young man made of the right stuff. Go BP.
He should have sulked all the way home.
If they try to play like that on Sunday, it will be a long afternoon for Pats fans.
Denver[X] at Indianapolis - Two teams going in the wrong direction. The question is which coach gets fired first...
Chicago at Detroit[X] - Detroit still has a playoff chance, but needs to win this one first.
L.A. Chargers at Kansas City[X] - Going with the home team, especially if it is cold in KC. But I’m not sure the last time I picked a KC game correctly...
Arizona at Washington[X] - Again, cold weather favors the home team.
Baltimore[X] at Cleveland - The Nevermores get their revenge on the hapless Browns.
Cincinnati at Minnesota[X] - Minnesota working to secure a first-round bye.
Green Bay[X] at Carolina - I think Green Bay makes it tough for Cam. My upset of the week.
Houston at Jacksonville[X] - J’ville has a legitimate shot of getting the second seed, especially if NE loses to PIT.
Miami at Buffalo[X] - Yet again, cold weather favors the home team.
N.Y. Jets at New Orleans[X] - NO at home vs. a Jets team with an unproven QB.
Philadelphia[X] at N.Y. Giants - Even without Wentz, I still think the Iggles are the better team.
L.A. Rams[X] at Seattle - Seattle has shown they are beatable at home.
New England at Pittsburgh[X] - Coming into this game, which is worse: barely beating your division rival, or losing to a division rival? If Pittsburgh’s D can harass Brady like Miami did, then they have a good chance of winning. It may come down to the last possession.
Tennessee[X] at San Francisco - Tennessee’s chances of getting into the playoffs are fading, and this is a must win for them.
Dallas[X] at Oakland - Dallas has to win out if they want to make the playoffs. Oakland needs a miracle to make it.
Atlanta[X] at Tampa Bay - ATL still has a shot of winning their division.
Thursday, Dec 14, 2017
Denver
Saturday, Dec 16, 2017
Detroit
L.A. Chargers
Sunday, Dec 17, 2017
Arizona
Baltimore
Minnesota
Carolina
Jacksonville
Buffalo
New Orleans
N.Y. Giants
L.A. Rams
Pittsburgh
Tennessee
Oakland
Monday, Dec 18, 2017
Atlanta
You missed
Green Bay/Carolina and
N.Y. Jets/New Orleans
Indianapolis
Detroit
Kansas City
Redskins
Cleveland
Minnesota
Carolina
Jacksonville
Miami
New Orleans
Philadelphia
Seattle
Pittsburgh
San Francisco
Dallas
Tampa Bay
If there's any team that needs to go back to their old look, it's the Dolphins.
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