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Well Belly Button Chick, No One

saw last night's win by the Phins coming. No One saw our Bearlies winning either, though I chock that one up the Bengals new mascot

David Wu.

"That picture is older than half my body parts. I'm more interested in the Pats game, what the hell happend?"

"I'll field that one Sasha."

Dolphins Quarterback Jay Cutler! Her name's not Sasha.

"She looks like a Sasha. I like that name, I'm gonna call my next kid that, boy or girl. I'm a douche, aren't I? I gave all my kids awful Generation Snowflake names. Anyhow, it was the throwback jersey I wore, you see it....actually maybe my friend Al could explain better. Al?"

"Sure thing, Jay. You see folks, the jersey utilizes the latest in space age technology to allow 1984 Dan Marino to 'Quantum Leap' into Jay's body. Also, I put something in Brady's water bottle to give him diarrhea."

"Why would you do such a thing, you scurvy dog!"

"Time travel is difficult to explain Mr. Commish, suffice it say that it was quite neccessary to prevent Nazi time agents from stealing the Death Star Plans out of Coach Belichick's playbook. Also, I put 15 large on Miami."

"I haven't felt so violated since Lois Einhorn dug her gun into my hip."

"Dan Marino? Aren't you that old QB in that hideous Mastercard™ commercial with that short chick with the huge gozongas from that sitcom that got cancelled?"

"What? No! That's Joe Montana. Don't judge him too harshly, his wife rang up a HUUUUUUGE Mastercard™ bill, she has a bad faberge egg habit. This was the only way he could pay it off. It was a Don Draper ad, at age 80 he's just not what he used to be."

Well, thank you for stopping by fellas. Sad news to report as Eagles QB Carson Wentz is out for the year with a torn ACL. He's a devout Christian and all-around good guy. :/

"Oh well, sucks 2b him. Mr. Commissioner, I demand you force the Eagles to hire Colin Kaepernick to replace him, right now. Collusion!!!! Collusion!!!"

Ser Charles Barkley! By what rights does a former bball player intefere in this matter?

"I speak on belhalf of all jackass media clowns who immediately brought up Kaepernick before Wentz was even in the lockeroom! Do as we say, Captain Smith!"

"Arrg, I don't know who this fellow is, Alexa who is Colin Kaepernick?"

"Here's something I found on Wikipedia, Hemorrhoids, also called Piles, are vascular structures in the **** canal."

"Ha! I knew all you White Echo Dots were racist!"

"Before anyone makes fun of me again I'd like to point at that while I do stink 4 games out of every 5, I'm a loyal patriotic Trump supporter unlike Mr. Milk Dud head over here!"

"Why you honkey! Vote Doug Jones for Senate, Roy Moore is tuuuuuuuuurrible!"

"You are no true knight, Ser."

"What's wrong with you King honkey? It's spelled 'Sir'! I could do with having less honkeys around!"

"Fewer."

"Hey Al, what kind of phone is that you got there? That's not the one that catches on fire, is it? Impy, that's what I want for Christmas!"

Ok, I'll take out a 2nd mortgage to get you that, doll. One final thing, a shout out to ace return specialist Devin Hester , who's annouced his retirement. Who knows how many more kickoff return TDs he would have had if Roggy the Clown didn't act to ruin one of the most exciting plays in football.

Picks for the week!

Denver at Indianapolis: Two bad teams, classic Thursday night football is back! Denver wins
Chicago at Detroit: Chicago is having a tough season and the Lions are trying to claw their way into a wild card. Tough spot for Chicago. Lions win
L.A. Chargers at Kansas City: Huge game, Chefs and Chargers tied for first. Chargers have been hot, Chefs have been ... not. But it's at Arrowhead. Tough one to call. I'll say ... Chargers Win
Arizona at Washington: Neither team has much to play for at this point. I'll five the edge to the home team with the better QB. Redskins win
Baltimore at Cleveland: I've spent the whole season saying the Ravens were bad and picking against them, they've worked their way back up to a mediocre 7-6 record so I guess I was wrong, sort of. Cleveland, on the other hand .... Ravens Win
Cincinnati at Minnesota: When's Case Keenum going to revert into veteran journeyman scrub Case Keenum? Not this week. Vikings Win
Green Bay at Carolina: Aaron Rodgers is back. The packers sure did stink without him. This week they their able to open up the full playbook and McCarthy calls "Rodgers does something awesome" several times. Packers Win
Houston at Jacksonville: Jags are pretty good this year, Blake Bortles notwithstanding. In the playoffs relying on Bortles will kill them. But their D is stout and the Texans are reeling. Jaguars Win
Miami at Buffalo: Other than the Pats, the AFC East teams are almost identical. All scored within about 20 points of each other, all been scored on withn about 20 point sof each other, all sitting around .500 (excelt the 5-8 jets). So how do you handicap this game? Well, the Fish probably have a big let down after winning their super bowl last week while Bills have home field. Bills Win
N.Y. Jets at New Orleans: Did I just mention the Jets are 5-8? I've spent the whole season saying they are underrated but, well, their record says otherwise. On the other hand, the Saints are just plain good. Saints win
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants: Division game, Giants playing for pride and no Wentz this week (or any more weeks this year) for the Birds. But Philly is overall a better team than the Giants and healthier. Eagles Win
L.A. Rams at Seattle: Rams have to go into Seattle and win after an emotional loss last week, two losses in last three. I think they do what philly did not do and air the ball out against the Seahags depleted defense. Russel Wilson executes the Seahag offense flawlessly (that is, run around and chuck it down the field to draw a PI flag, first down and do it again til they're close enough for him to run it in). Close game, Rams are better but Seahags need it more. 12th man is decisive. Seahags win
New England at Pittsburgh: Steelers are a conundrum. 11-2 but won lots of close games against weak teams. PAtriots rolled all over a terrible AFC East and a lot of other bad/mediocre teams (Broncos, Raiders, Bills) to get to their own 10-3 rrecord. Last week they looked bad without Gronk but he's back. I'd have to say the Pats are a better team and they don't lose two in a row very often. Patriots win
Tennessee at San Francisco: Titans given up 19 more points than they've scored yet they sit at a resepctable 8-5 record somehow. 49ers have Jimmy Garropolo dinkin' and dunkin' his way (longest completion so far: 26 yards) to a 2-0 record as starter. I have to go out on a limb and say 49ers win
Dallas at Oakland: I guess Cowboys win
Atlanta at Tampa Bay: Tampa is bad, Atlants is hot and needs a win desperately to keep up in the red hot NFC South. Falcons Win

Week 15 ! Lots of games this week with playoff implications. Here we go!

Thursday, Dec 14, 2017 (All times Eastern)

Denver at Indianapolis 8:25 pm NFLN (& NBC) Lucas Oil Stadium What a great Thursday night match-up! Ugh.... Denver came back to life last Sunday. They'll continue tonight. Broncos.

Saturday, Dec 16, 2017

Chicago at Detroit 4:30 pm NFLN Ford Field The Lions at home with still an outside chance at the playoffs? Yeah. Lions.

L.A. Chargers at Kansas City 8:25 pm NFLN Arrowhead Stadium Game of the week! Winner takes over the AFC West and is in the driver's seat to win the division. Chargers are 7 - 2 since that 0 - 4 start and are HOT HOT HOT. Chiefs ... well they broke their losing streak last week but I believe San Diego - Oops! LA - is just playing too well. Chargers.

Sunday, Dec 17, 2017

Arizona at Washington 1:00 pm FOX FedEx Field Two solid middle-of-the-pack mediocrities. FWIW, Washington will get the 'W'. Redskins.

Baltimore at Cleveland 1:00 pm CBS FirstEnergy Stadium Tough loss for the Ravens last week against Pittsburgh - where was the defense?! - and now they must win out to reach the postseason. The Browns despite being winless are no pushovers - ask the Packers. But I don't think the Ravens will let this get away from them. Ravens.

Cincinnati at Minnesota 1:00 pm CBS U.S. Bank Stadium Minnesota is rolling to the playoffs and a bungling Bengals team is not going to stop them. Vikings.

Green Bay at Carolina 1:00 pm FOX Bank of America Stadium Even if a rusty Aaron Rodgers plays I don't think that would make a difference. Carolina is rounding into form - see last week against the Vikings. Panthers.

Houston at Jacksonville 1:00 pm FOX EverBank Field Great - ugly?! - win by the Jags last week and Houston is just too depleted to put up a big fight here. Jaguars.

Miami at Buffalo 1:00 pm CBS New Era Field Is there another blizzard forecast for Buffalo this week? if so that would help the Bills. Notwithstanding Monday night's performance, the Dolphins ain't gonna win this one. Bills.

N.Y. Jets at New Orleans 1:00 pm CBS Mercedes-Benz Superdome Jets have pulled off some surprising wins this season but playing the Saints at the Super Dome is not going to be one of them. Saints.

Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants 1:00 pm FOX MetLife Stadium Nick Foles will be plenty good enough to win against the woebegone G-Men. Eagles.

L.A. Rams at Seattle 4:05 pm FOX CenturyLink Field Both teams coming off tough losses last week. And although the Seahawks are not the Legion of Boom of just two years ago, Russell Wilson and Company will still get it done at home against the Rams. Seahawks.

New England at Pittsburgh 4:25 pm CBS Heinz Field Man, another tough one! I don't believe Big Ben will throw for 500 yards again.... But Tom Brady's performance Monday night doesn't exactly inspire me. Antonio Brown and La Veon Bell will make the difference. Steelers.

Tennessee at San Francisco 4:25 pm CBS Levi's Stadium Marcus Mariota is supposed to play. That should be enough. Titans.

Dallas at Oakland 8:30 pm NBC Oakland Coliseum Dallas is still clinging to making the playoffs. And Oakland has just collapsed. Cowboys.

Monday, Dec 18, 2017

Atlanta at Tampa Bay 8:30 pm ESPN Raymond James Stadium Falcons are fighting to stay alive for the playoffs and I don't believe they will let the Bucs interfere with that. Falcons.