Posted on 05/28/2016 6:15:02 PM PDT by blueunicorn6
It was just here. I was using it a couple of days ago to dig a fighting position, and now it's gone.
It was probably them darn thieving squirrels who stole it again. They use it to bury walnuts. Thieving squirrels. Can't get a job like everyone else. Just steal, steal, steal. I chopped down a tree that had some kind of squirrel condo in it and you know what I found? A 1966 Ford Mustang. A convertible. What the heck does a squirrel do with a convertible? Drive in parades with the town beauty queen? And they always want a red car. The squirrels I mean. The beauty queens want a mansion with six bathrooms and a home gym on beachfront property. Probably cheaper to marry a squirrel.
I've had that shovel for forever. It has a wood handle. Gave me a splinter once that was like a foot long. The splinter was so big you could use it to kill a vampire by driving it through his heart. I don't know how it got a steering wheel to drive it, but there you are. My Dad gave me that shovel. I think he got it from his Dad. It was a, what do you call them, hairloom? I think Grandpa used it to dig a mine. He had a cat mine. Dug up some of the best Persians you ever saw. He thought he hit a vein of Norwegian Forest cats one time, but it turned out to just be some low grade alley cat ore.
Now I'll have to go to one of those "Big Box Hardware Stores" and see about getting another shovel. I'll ask the guy with the vest where the shovels are and he'll send me over to the toilet aisle. Do you know they have toilets with stereos in them? I swear! Stereos. I wonder what the best music is for that? Prelude And Flush In B Flat? I wonder what other accessories you can get? Maybe one of those emergency stop camera systems. Turn the camera on in a bathroom and just about everyone will stop.Did you see about the guy in Thailand who was going to the bathroom and a snake bit him on his, ummmm, "private parts". Every guy around the world who read that story grimaced and said, "Youch!" That's why you should always have a mongoose in your bathroom. They also come in handy if you run out of toilet paper. Makes em mean though. But I prefer an angry mongoose over a laid-back one when it comes to fighting with snakes that want to bite your ding dong.
Wait a minute. I remember now. The neighbor borrowed my shovel. I think he's looking for his Mustang convertible. Filthy, stinking kleptomaniac squirrels. I thought they liked Camaros. Now, where's my electric paintbrush?
An altered mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Damned if I didn’t FOLLOW that story line ! !
Just please don’t ever be a shot crack-head. I like you being around.
Don’t you remember? I borrowed that paintbrush two days ago!
Probably crows doing it. They like shiny things. Squirrels only steal your nuts.
Should we be worried...?
About that $100 I lent you.....
In lieu of Kenny Rogers, I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ8k6fVe25k
They announced shovel-ready jobs. It went off to apply.
Try it, you’ll like it.
Does that electric paintbrush come with a remote control?
An articulate meth binge is a rare thing. I’m liking it from a distance. Brings back memories from the 80’s. Drink lots of ensure and get at least two weeks rest between. See the dentist often.
I’m trying to imagine what music would go with this story being read aloud. Maybe something minimalist and ever changing by Phillip Glass.
Are you kin to “The BlueCyclone”???
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM_FR1f01mQ
WKUHilltopper,
Yup here’s one old crow...
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3434855/posts?page=1#1
Oops, almost forgot to ping him....
Hey, Blue, why did you drop your tagline? It was one of my favorites.
Here is a thread from Chode a million years ago about FRtaglines:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2070297/posts?page=1
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