Posted on 04/09/2016 5:54:40 AM PDT by C19fan
“Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!” Han Solo famously tells Luke Skywalker after the latter blows up the first Death Star.
But that’s not exactly right. It’s more like one in every third Star Wars movie.
The debut teaser trailer for “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” is out, and it seems gritty, action-packed, and pretty great — at first glance, even more promising than “The Force Awakens.” But the hitch, it seems, is that we’ll once again be subjected to the laziest plotline in the Star Wars narrative: the menace of the Death Star (or the menace of the Death Star-like star-killing space station.)
(Excerpt) Read more at thefederalist.com ...
Palpatine: [sighs] Oh, I-I gotta take this, hold on. Vader! How's my favorite Sith? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, just slow down. Huh? What do you mean 'they blew up the Death Star?' Oh! [slams fists on his desk]
... Who's 'they'?! What the hell is an 'Aluminum Falcon'?! [sighs] Okay, okay, s-so who's left? Are you **** me? Well where are you? Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like...feet wrapped in...leathery...burnt...bacon.
[Holds phone away from ear as Vader obviously yells at him, Amedda looks shocked] Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide. That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet! Do you have - do you have any idea what this is gonna do to my credit? ...[sighs]...what? Oh-oh, 'just rebuild it'? Oh, yeah, re-real **** original. And who's gonna give me a loan, jackhole, you? Y-you got an ATM on that torso Lite-Brite? Now get your seven foot two asthmatic ass back here or I'm gonna tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about 'Padamamay' or 'Panda Bear' or whatever the hell her name is!...Oh geez, he's crying! Heh, heh, heh...[Aloo and Amedda silently laugh]
...Hey, hey, hey, hey, c'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just, just, look, ah, y'know, I'm dealing with a lot of crap right now. Eh, Death Star blown up by a bunch of **** teenagers, y'know? I didn't mean to snap. Oh, oh, j-just get back here. Okay, okay, bye. I-yeh-I...I love you too.
To be fair, Rogue One is a prequel that tells the story of how the rebellion got the plans to the Death Star in the first place; it takes place between Episodes 3 and 4, with the possibility of Vader and the Emperor making a cameo.
But I do agree that the super-weapon-that-must-be-destroyed-with-one-well-placed-shot-by-an-underdog-at-the-climax is WAAAAY overdone in the Star Wars universe.
The first three movies were well done. The Empire Strikes Back is my favorite by far. But you must admit the last three episodes were feces. And the Force Awakens?..What a let down. I felt like I was watching almost a complete re-hash of Episode 4: A New Hope.
Now I see the trailer of the 8th movie and I’m like...meh. Just because lots of idiots go see a movie doesn’t make it good. Look at the Hobbit franchise. I was desperately hoping that movie would be good. It started out ok and got unbearable, but it still grossed a lot of money because fans WANTED it to be good.
You will see him again, but hopefully not the whiney ex-stormtrooper guy.
I agree. It was a very unique story when it first came out. Remakes always degrade over time.
The first Rocky movie in my opinion was amazing. Raw and inspiring. After that they immediately turned to garbage.
Actually he said Great shot kid, don’t get cocky.
Or the more accurate Family Guy redux, don’t get penisey.
Maybe they are trying to point out the empire is insane.
Glitter Ball Death Star.
Disco while you die.
Agreed! I’m looking forward to the next one. Rian Johnson is a very good writer/director. I’m eager to see what he comes up with.
The first 2 1/2 movies were good. Ewoks destroyed the last part of the third movie. Effing teddy bears for tension comic relief. Didnt need it, its a grownup movie.
Rogue One happens in between Eps 3 and 4 and is about the stealing of the plans of the original Death Star.
And the cry of the resistance will be....
DEATH BEFORE DISCO!!!
Darth Vader, you’ve lost another Death Star?
He danced real well in THE KISSING BANDIT.
And just the movies have generated over $6 billion in revenue.
I guess the billions of fans are wrong and we should just bow down to your righteous opinion.
Go suck an Oscar.
The ONLY Star Trek episode I really enjoyed.
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