Posted on 02/19/2016 10:52:56 AM PST by nickcarraway
Awesome. Steve Martin is an absolutely brilliant guy.
Planes, Trains & Automobiles with the late John Candy is a classic.
You.. can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes! You can be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes!
You say.. “Steve.. how can I be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes?” First.. get a million dollars. Now.. you say, “Steve.. what do I say to the tax man when he comes to my door and says, ‘You.. have never paid taxes’?”
Two simple words. Two simple words in the English language: “I forgot!” How many times do we let ourselves get into terrible situations because we don’t say “I forgot”?
Let’s say you’re on trial for armed robbery. You say to the judge, “I forgot armed robbery was illegal.” Let’s suppose he says back to you, “You have committed a foul crime. you have stolen hundreds and thousands of dollars from people at random, and you say, ‘I forgot’?”
Two simple words: Excuuuuuse me!!”
Not there. I saw it on TV. He did the arrow through the head and more. I had seen him on TV and he was a hot ticket on a college campus. Before the Jerk
tiny bubbles..... in the wine....
Steve is one of those comedians who, just walking on stage, makes me laugh. There’s a look on that face, you know something silly will happen or be said. And usually clean humor. (a lost art)
To have been a fly on the wall the night Steve, Martin Short and Tom Hanks decided to get their colonoscopies together - and then did it! (on YouTube David Letterman)
It’s like those French have a different word for EVERYTHING.
Grandmother Song
Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.
Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbors,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.
Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don’t know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.
Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.
(Okay everybody!)
Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.
Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbors,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.
Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don’t know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.
Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Go into a closet and suck eggs
The rental car scene with Edie McClurg is the greatest scene, ever.
Steve Martin was a Disney World singer/actor.
Its the mid-70s.
Everybody went from that attitude associated with Vietnam/Cambodia/Pol Pot/Watergate. Then we had oil embargoes/hostages in Iran and four years of Jimmy Carter and stagflation.
Everyone was serious. Things looked grim. Everyone was ticked off and political.
Then came Steve Martin and his silly humor. Yes, he’s not the greatest comedian, but he is exactly what was needed. Well, him and Ronald Reagan.
Well it appears from this, Steve was not a Reagan fan:
“What I Believe.”
I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his p___s.
And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there’s a game on.
And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
And I believe it’s derogatory to refer to a woman’s breasts as “boobs”, “jugs”, “winnebagos” or “golden bozos”.. and that you should only refer to them as “hooters”.
And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
And, people say I’m crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you’re listening to right now. That’s what I believe.
And even though a lib, will go anywhere to make our troops laugh. Just because.
Steve Martin is a lib.
In the late 70s, liberals were deeply embarassed by Jimmy Carter.
Conservatives were very enthusiastic about Reagan.
I guess each each had someone to admire...the liberals chose a clown and conservatives chose a leader.
On 303? Haven’t been down that way in years. I think they razed it.
That lines not a jab at Reagan, it’s a jab at political slogans. We’ve got a candidate right now campaigning on “returning America” to what it was, Steve followed the Carlin rule of “one exaggeration” by clocking all the way back to the Ice Age for what America once was.
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