Sage advice...
Kind of a pepper-upper to start the day...
Sage advice...
Kind of a pepper-upper to start the day...
Y'know, I just can't watch Fox News any more.
She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four."
"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"
The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin."
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain that to your mother."
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, "George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?"
George replies, "Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed."
"Well," one of the employees questioned, "What happens if she is laying on her back?"
George replies, "Then I am 10 minutes late."
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Thanks for the chuckles!
Top 10...or thereabouts.
Checking in and top 10
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.â€
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?â€
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,†replied the vet.
“How can you be so sure?†she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.â€
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.â€
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$550!†she cried, “$550 just to tell me my duck is dead!â€
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $550
I self-identify as being in the top 10.
Thank Goodness for Funnies. Checking in to ease the boredom.
It may sound cool, but sitting in a dyno room staring at a monitor, looking out at an LS7, waiting for a turbo to melt is boooooooring.
I swear this thing is defying the laws of physics.
What are we all doing this morning?
I thought we'd never make it to Friday.
TOP 25?!?!
Where did you find that clip of the two guys sliding back and forth in the school hallway? Crazy.
"No lingering effects from your brain trauma?"
Out-STANDING-pokes at liberalism today.
