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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

The Cub Scout painted rocks one day. We left them in the church’s landscaping!

I got my brother’s card in the mail in time for the pickup today, so he should have it by Monday. This month just crept up on me. The girls have gone to the pool.


9,061 posted on 06/02/2016 12:07:06 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: Tax-chick

The painted rocks are all over the place, and while I think it’s a wasted effort, Bonnie enjoys doing it and takes pride in her work. So what’s the problem? Greg thinks they give this place a “ghetto” look.

You just can’t please everyone, no matter what you do. I think Bonnie was hurt, but she carried it off well.

I just got a call from the pain management clinic saying my prescription was ready to pick up. I will go on Tuesday morning, and bring lots of water.

I still have to fill the tank and take the truck to the car wash, but I might do it tomorrow. The car wash doesn’t start functioning until 0700.


9,062 posted on 06/02/2016 12:23:25 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Tax-chick
accidentally bought himself vegan mayonnaise.

If it's anywhere near as disgusting as fat free half and half it reeks.

Let me guess. The egg yolks come from Tofufowl eggs. Free range of course.. ;-)

9,063 posted on 06/02/2016 12:28:38 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

At least fat-free half-and-half is a milk product of some kind.

I’m sure someone will eat the vegan mayo, eventually.


9,064 posted on 06/02/2016 12:50:12 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: Tax-chick

..fat-free half-and-half is a milk product of some kind..


In much the same way as Crisco is butter substitute. (i.e. they both have fat. ;-) The ingredients label on the ff half half reads like a chem lab stockroom report...


9,065 posted on 06/02/2016 12:56:29 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

“vegan mayonnaise”

Acetone and Brake Fluid mixed...indistinguishable from vegan mayonnaise.


9,066 posted on 06/02/2016 1:43:13 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"Acetone and Brake Fluid mixed...indistinguishable from vegan mayonnaise."

John Campbell wrote a book about explorers on the Moon who got accidentally stuck for a very extended stay.

One of their geniuses started making food out of chemicals.

They were not a happy crew.

9,067 posted on 06/02/2016 2:55:01 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Sounds educational. Like what Pat would do.


9,068 posted on 06/02/2016 4:45:23 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: Tax-chick
"Sounds educational."

Oh, it is. But as a mother there is one minor complication you might find a little concerning.

John Campbell had another noteworthy novella called "Who Goes There". I remember reading it with such intense trepidation that my heart was pounding as if I were in mortal peril!

The only other time I recall having that happen was when I was watching one of the Godfather movies. The action in that was rather intense. But the story related by Campbell was equally spellbinding!

"Who Goes There" was the basis for a movie called "The Thing". It's also rather educational, if you're into the pulse-pounding excitement of scientific revelations.

9,069 posted on 06/02/2016 8:46:44 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

9,070 posted on 06/03/2016 2:26:15 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: Tax-chick

Very photogenic.


9,071 posted on 06/03/2016 4:19:58 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; moose07

Kitteh lives in Edinburgh, Scotland, and you know how photogenic Britain is ...


9,072 posted on 06/03/2016 4:29:40 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: Tax-chick

Such a pretty squee!

It was a rough night last night, but I’m here. I think.


9,073 posted on 06/03/2016 4:56:45 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Tax-chick

Up and at-em! It’s time to start the weekend madness before next week’s madness.

Or am I becoming cynical?

On the plus side, the dog is better. I guess she passed it off onto the neighbor’s dog.


9,074 posted on 06/03/2016 5:44:32 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: All

SWAMPSNIPER is gone.


9,075 posted on 06/03/2016 6:24:44 AM PDT by null and void (Progressives replaced doublethink, doublespeak with nothink, nospeak. Orwell wasn't up to the task)
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To: null and void

:o[

*sob*

I’m sorry Nully...


9,076 posted on 06/03/2016 8:40:50 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: ArGee; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; moose07; null and void

I’m glad the dog is better. I’ve always wanted a standard poodle, but they are difficult to find out here.

Sometime in the next week or two, I will have to have the truck serviced and also have the tires rotated. Yay, me. Last two times: “You want the SPARE rotated???”

I went to fill the tank this morning, before I headed for the car wash, and the company has installed new electronics to take your money. I had to go through the “instructions” twice before it would work, and when I was done, it asked me if I wanted a receipt. I pressed “Yes” and got the immediate message, “You can’t postpay for a transaction.” What???..I think from now on, I’ll go across the street...

I figured I would stop at Wally’s on my way home to get the things they were out of yesterday, and sure enough: They had restocked before the screaming Walmartians showed up today! So I got the not-quite-needed Filtrete filter for the A/C. I will check the one that’s in there in a few days to see if it’s ready to be swapped out.


9,077 posted on 06/03/2016 8:52:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee

Returned from gym, decided to pull some weeds while I was already sweaty. Then I had a shower. (You can thank me later.)

Next I need to go to Walmart. We’re almost out of milk. If it’s not one thing, it’s a dozen others.


9,078 posted on 06/03/2016 8:53:14 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Sorry, I ain't about that life.)
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To: ArGee
Just wanted to add this to this thread today:

"It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day.........."

9,079 posted on 06/03/2016 9:09:50 AM PDT by HandyDandy (Don't make up stuff. It wastes time.)
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To: null and void

I never new Swampsniper, although I remember you all talking about him.

May he rest in peace and may his friends and family find comfort.


9,080 posted on 06/03/2016 9:47:23 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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