Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
My goodness! How quaint and lovely! <3
Afternoon, Moosie. (That is, if I have made the correct conversion...)
Well, I’m certainly disturbed by a black box when I was expecting something else... ;o]
You could write poetry about murder.
I’m back from Walmart. Bill the Son accidentally bought himself vegan mayonnaise. He was trying to get me to buy him some that’s fit for human consumption, but I think people should learn from their mistakes.
Morning Joe,
Isn’t She just the finest Bovine you ever did see? :)
AfterMorning Face,
Cottages like that are nice aren’t they? Until the roof needs re-thatching.
Vegan mayonnaise.......
Wha....huh....is such a thing safe to have in the house?
Does it react like C4 if it spots meat in the same fridge?
Sounds dangerous. :)
Neighborcritter developed the runs last night. Maybe this isn’t an anxiety thing after all.
It's that simple. Poor little fluffies.
I think vegan mayonnaise is a good metaphor for Bill the Son.
I used to have cow-jumping-over-the-moon pajamas. They were pink and white.
Vegan mayo sounds positively horrid. *gack* A person can starve to death being a vegan, not to mention that the brain doesn’t work right
My trip to Wally’s wasn’t too bad. They were only out of one thing I needed and I will go back next week to get that, as I’m sure they will have restocked by then.
I have a pork chop thawing for today’s fare, but forgot to pick up a salad. My bad.
And now I’m going outside to sit with the peeps for a bit.
I remember those!
Our dog is a 40 lb standard poodle. We THOUGHT what she was suffering from was anxiety over us leaving her with our daughter. But now I’m wondering if she didn’t contract something while our daughter was caring for her.
BTW: I sort-of lost track. Did your Dell Toaster Oven finally work after it was gutted?
They were famous.
Hope you had a nice sit. I was lying down with Jake after lunch. I might have gone to sleep a little, but then James started screaming at Frank about Lego.
The Dell-O-Matic is still having problems with stalling at the most inopportune times. I’m learning how to hate it with a passion I’ve never felt for anything inanimate in my entire life. GAH!
It was an odd visit. The mail never did show up, and that means a substitute will make a mess it will take Kim a week to recover from.
And one of the gals came (she paints rocks) and got to the table just in time to see Greg (dialysis patient) throw a bunch of painted rocks in the dumpster.
I think the rocks look tacky, but I sure wouldn’t go to that extreme. *sheesh*
My pork chop is in the toaster oven, cooking in Italian bread crumbs, and my back is killing me. It’s from sitting on the bench, for sure.
I couldn’t figure out why my pinkie itched so bad with the Band-Aid on and then I realized/remembered that I’m allergic to the adhesive on those things. Which is why I’ve used paper tape since it first hit the market.
And, I had to quit taking the Keflex as it gives me a rash.
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