Disturb ye not ,the Cow.
Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Yeah, he’s quite a yutz, but the video of animals is good. It’s not like we’re going to travel to Borneo to see the creepy-things in person.
Kathleen is playing with the magnetic Nativity set on the refrigerator door. The animals are bickering in a very familiar manner:
“Why to do I have to get up and stand over here? The cow is still asleep!”
“Get up, cow. It’s morning! Rise and shine!”
“Oh, shut up. You’re just a sheep.”
I used the tagline for a while, pointing out as "Rorschach's Blot" had observed, that in Australia, everything is either dangerous, poisonous, or sheep.
And you can’t trust sheep ... have you ever noticed their teeth?
Disturb ye not ,the Cow.
Teeth. . . . . Always the teeth.....LoL! :D
Sheep are made for shearing. So are their teeth.
Spent Christmas week in the early 90's on Vashon Island across from Seattle. A banker friend's Gentlemans farm, with the requisite critters; horses, chickens, geese, turkeys, and a sole ewe. On a walk about to select the goose and turkey destined for the table, I was shown the solitary ewe in her little pasture. Muddy and overgrown with fleece, the creature siddled up to the fence and with dark inexpressive eyes turned to gaze at me and... smiled... explaining the need for the two giant Bernese Mountain dogs. Some evil looking grinders on her.
You have to look up to a teacher like that. Say, doesn’t He have a birthday anniversary coming up soon?
A local farm inspector was also an amateur ventriloquist. One day he decided to have fun with a farmer and as he looked at the dairy shed he asked one of the cows how she was treated. The farmer started to interrupt but throwing his voice the inspector said, "Oh, he's pretty good to us. The fodder is fresh and he makes sure to milk us twice a day. When it's cold he lets us into the barn. There's nothing to complain about, really."
The farmer was a bit flummoxed but let it go. Next the inspector went to the stable and asked the horse how it was treated. The farmer started to speak again but the horse answered, "It's good here. I get plenty of exercise and lots of hay and oats. Sometimes there are kids here to ride me and that's lots of fun. I can't complain, really." Again, the farmer held his peace.
As they headed out to the pasture the farmer pulled the inspector aside and said, "Now you know, you can't trust sheep. You know they lie"
Recently Broadway attempted to revive Godspell. I took the family as a Christmas present. The cast kept wishing Jesus a happy birthday or saying, “Since it’s your birthday,” and so forth. It was a lot of fun.
Of course, I’ve always loved the play. The movie stank.
Tulip-time in the new Gorebull Warming climate?
Seriesly, if I had bulbs, I’m sure they’d be coming up now.
It would be fun to lie on one’s back and look at that for an hour.
I’ve been hearing songs from the revival on the radio.
You’d probably get stepped on.
Gee. What I get for sleeping in: McDonald’s Farm On Steroids. “Beware the sheep!!!” they yelled in unison. “You can’t trust them. They make haystacks out of straw bales. And lie??? You never heard such lies!” went the garbled murmurs.
Man. I’m tired already and the day just started. I feel like I’ve mowed 40 acres.
Happy Christmas Eve, everyone! Moosie, you lucky dog, you get Christmas first! *hug*
It’s kinda nice that people are still discovering the original satirical press piece after so many Undead Thread postings.
Word has it that the real reason Isis surrendered is they heard of plans to send a Queen revival group over to sing “You’re My Best Friend.”
Even terrorists have limits.
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