ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Covenantor]

A Merry and Joyful Christmas to all.

[Tax-chick]

Good morning! Our cats don’t seem to have assaulted the tree overnight.

[Covenantor]

We’re getting flash flood warnings for today and tonight. 65 to 75 degrees for Christmas Day. That darn globull warming, could have been a white Christmas.

Cats have lulled you into a false sense of security while silently plotting for the Day.

[moose07]

Morning, TC
Ol’ blue eyes has dropped in for a croon ... :)

[moose07]

The bottom picture is a mouses’ drug induced nightmare.

[Tax-chick]

Afternoon, Moose. How is England?

[Tax-chick]

The cats keep going out in the rain and coming back to complain about it.

[moose07]

The sun is out with a south westerly wind.
Rain and wind tonight.
More flooding possible up in the north.

[NicknamedBob]

Having the whole Universe look upon you as fast food seems sufficient reason to be a cowering timorous beastie. Drugs need not apply.

[Covenantor]

Twas the Night Before Christmas. - A Cat's Story

lurking...waiting...listening for the faint rustle of wrapping paper in the dark of night, sniper cat remains still and silent in the midst of glittering ornaments and light, waiting patiently for the moment that unsuspecting mousies or human targets appear, then with a might kicking off leap topples the tree in a feline flash-bang effect and is at the throats of the befuddled targets...thar's a kill

[moose07]

Kamerov is showing the faintest whiff of having borrowed a pair ,with regards to the raghead problem....it won't last, he'll hand them back.

[Tax-chick]

The children, on the other hand, are NOT leaving the tree alone. Tom will be home later today: he can enforce order with his Immensity.

[Tax-chick]

As soon the press Takes Offense, he’ll be back to cringing, just like so many of our “leaders.”

[moose07]

Now if the mouse had been designed in Australia they would be at the top of the food chain.
Have you ever noticed how dangerous all the wildlife is out there?
Even the ants carry flick knives.

[moose07]

enforce order with his Immensity

LoL...

[Tax-chick]

Or what we call “switchblades.”

[moose07]

The beginnings of a great scientific paper....

[moose07]

Or what we call â€;switchblades.â€;

You've seen them as well, didn't think i was hallucinating. :)

[Covenantor]

The cats keep going out in the rain and coming back to complain about it.

Some construe cat complaints as proof that they look up to us. Poppycock! The Overlords issue a command only to be disappointed once again at the quality of servants assigned to them by Galactic Command.

There will be other worlds once full Kzin status is achieved.

[Tax-chick]

We have a lot of DVDs about wildlife, mostly narrated by David Attenborough. His voice can put a whole room full of young boys to sleep in the middle of the afternoon.