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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; Darksheare; null and void

Meowist Cat prepares for Great Leap Forward in the iconoclastic Cultural Revolution

821 posted on 12/23/2015 3:37:19 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: moose07

LOL!
saving that.


822 posted on 12/23/2015 3:38:44 AM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: moose07

W00t! LOL! You sneak up on it so handily!


823 posted on 12/23/2015 4:01:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: NicknamedBob

Excellent, Bob. It was a comforting poem. Thanks.


824 posted on 12/23/2015 4:02:30 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz

Today’s kittehs are so far removed from the last post it boggles the mind.

Usually, I get up and the Day Kittey is the last post before I log on and begin to babble. Not today. Must be the spirit of Christmas come early.

:o])


825 posted on 12/23/2015 4:12:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

i discovered where you hide, ready to pounce.
Morning ‘Face. ((Hugs)).


826 posted on 12/23/2015 4:22:14 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Covenantor

It is probably on utube ,”Windmills of old Amsterdam.”
T’was the mice on the piano that stirred it up. :)


827 posted on 12/23/2015 4:25:06 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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Libtards talking on the radio about American politics, a subject they know nothing about.
Ragheads trying their high speed double speak on the audience.

Interesting, Oaps supporting Trump's ideas, ragheads and libtards against common sense.
Twisting and turning,attempts at normalisation , what “you” can and can't do...... Voetsak!

828 posted on 12/23/2015 4:30:42 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Afternoon Moosie!

((hugs)) backatcha!

It’s cold and I needed that hug, so thanks!


829 posted on 12/23/2015 4:34:13 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Covenantor

The real-life Aristocats?


830 posted on 12/23/2015 5:13:29 AM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Somewhere in America a mother is telling her two little girls a bedtime story.

See, it was a long time ago back in a little town called Bethlehem. Now, Bethlehem had poor people and not a lot of money. So these wise men came to Bethlehem and asked, “How can we help these people have more money to spend on things like inns and facilities for pregnant teens?”

The wise men realized that if more people would simply buy things at the local shops then those shop oweners would have money to spend and things would improve for everyone.

But people weren’t thinking of others, they just wanted to save money for themselves. So the wise men came up with the idea of having a day where people would spend money on gifts for other people that they would never buy for themselves. And it worked and everyone in Bethlehem was happy. Soon it caught on across the world, but we all know that Consumerism was born in Bethlehem.

That’s why on December 25 we celebrate the birth of Consumerism by giving gifts to our friends and family.

Wow. That’s a neat story, Mommy.

Yes, it is. Now, goodnight Sasha. Goodnight Malia. Give mommy a kiss and go on up to bed.

Mommy, why do they call it ‘Christmas?’

That’s a story for another night, dear. Run along.


831 posted on 12/23/2015 5:21:15 AM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

Oooohhh! That was cold! Accurate but cold.


832 posted on 12/23/2015 5:25:10 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: moose07

Ah. Hongi didn’t make sense...


833 posted on 12/23/2015 6:33:13 AM PST by null and void (I've been to Switzerland. I liked it, the flag's a big plus!)
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To: Monkey Face

Sorry. I don’t want to spoil a Cheery X-mas. ;)


834 posted on 12/23/2015 7:23:13 AM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

Didn’t spoil my Christmas! It doesn’t matter where I am, since I remember the Reason for the Season, I have a good Christmas. Even if I’m alone with no money and no presents and no friends or family. It’s still good!


835 posted on 12/23/2015 7:31:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

I also still hold to Christmas being a celebration of the Birth of Christ, but I can admit the way this godless culture celebrates it is annoying. And I’m including many Churches.

I actually have to explain to some of my Christian friends that Christmas isn’t nearly as important a holiday as Easter. I can’t understand why every Christian over the age of 5 doesn’t understand that.


836 posted on 12/23/2015 7:41:21 AM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

Well, we need both, but yes, you are right. Easter is the most important of the two.


837 posted on 12/23/2015 7:50:16 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; All

To all and everybody,

And all kitties great and small.

I’ve been off line the last two days due to a family issue. My father went to his cardiogist and we learned he needs to have a valve replacement.,

My father will be 90 in March, and does not want the surgery. If he has the surgery he may not make it through due to his advanced age, but the doctor feels we should try..

It wouldn’t be done until next year.

I’ve just kind of wanting to be alone right now to soak this up. I hope you all understand,

I wish everyone here a very happy holiday, and the kitty photos have cheered me more than you can imagine,,

Bless you all.

-Gefn


838 posted on 12/23/2015 8:13:32 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

You have FReepmail.


839 posted on 12/23/2015 8:23:48 AM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Gefn

I’m so sorry about your father’s health issue. I hope it can be worked out to everyone’s satisfaction. I can understand his not wanting to have surgery at his age, but on the other hand ...

Shannon suggests a nap in the Sunbeam, and asks if you have any Sunbeam to spare.


840 posted on 12/23/2015 8:32:28 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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