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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ArGee

“... the old-fashioned wooden emotional roller-coaster.”

Yah...that’s the one I know and love. Hahahahaha!


781 posted on 12/22/2015 1:07:30 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: ArGee

She was such a classy broad!


782 posted on 12/22/2015 1:09:02 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

Derwood didn’t think so.


783 posted on 12/22/2015 1:18:38 PM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

Neither did Delwood.


784 posted on 12/22/2015 1:32:49 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face

I thought the funniest scene from the Bewitched movie trailer (I didn’t watch the movie) was Whatsisname saying, “They changed the actor in the second season and NO ONE EVEN NOTICED!!!”

Priceless.


785 posted on 12/22/2015 1:41:57 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

I’ll never forget whatsishame.


786 posted on 12/22/2015 1:42:30 PM PST by ArGee (Two things are sure. 1) there is a God. 2) you are not Him.)
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To: ArGee

I remember that! LOL!

Wow. Christmas is three days away, and I have no decorations; however, I will celebrate His Birth properly, by reading the New Testament story of it. That should cheer me up.


787 posted on 12/22/2015 1:50:05 PM PST by Monkey Face (In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion. ~ Samuel L Jackson)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee; Gefn

From what I’ve heard, the first Christmas was a little sparse on decorations, too.

A Difficult Season

This is a most difficult season,
We’ve traveled a distance this year.
I’m growing increasingly worried,
My dear wife and I are in fear.

Our journey has been quite a hard one,
And others have passed us in haste,
If we are to find some comfort,
We haven’t a moment to waste.

But she could give birth any minute,
This motion is not a good thing.
We’ll need to rest long when we get there,
And we’ll need all the coin we can bring.

This traveling back to my hometown,
Means that I and my child will share,
This place of birth and our kinship,
With others who dwell about there.

The town is decidedly crowded,
There’s not a room to be had.
The innkeeper lets us take shelter,
In a stable nearby. It’s not bad.

The earthy smells are a comfort,
Somewhat like a scent of new wood,
As a carpenter, I know I’ll rest easy,
If my wife will agree that it’s good.

I would think it could be a bit festive,
With a pine bough to sweeten the air,
And a candle or lamp, to keep out the night damp,
But I sit on the straw and just stare.

For beyond the smoke of our camp-fires,
I can see a bright star in the sky,
The heavens may have their works revealed,
But I cannot spare them my eye.

For my wife is finding comfort,
In the straw of our rude little space,
And so, like it or not, I’m preparing,
To welcome our child in this place.

So a food trough becomes a first cradle,
As he comfortably makes it his own,
All swaddled about, with his face shining out,
He can reign like a king on his throne.

When I get to a place I can work at,
I’ll make a good cradle, and sound,
A carpenter’s son shouldn’t have to accept,
Some rough sticks in a bad part of town.

NicknamedBob . . . . . . December 16, 2008


788 posted on 12/22/2015 3:02:52 PM PST by NicknamedBob ("I have my books and my poetry to protect me" --- and if that doesn't work, I can always write more.)
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To: ArGee

And I didn’t remember meeting you ...


789 posted on 12/22/2015 4:12:22 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor; Monkey Face
nothing is more helpful than a teenaged girl.

Unless it is a cat...

790 posted on 12/22/2015 5:07:23 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Or, you know, nothing.


791 posted on 12/22/2015 5:36:58 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

That too...


792 posted on 12/22/2015 6:10:03 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee
I'll never forget whatsishame.

I'll never get over Nacho Grande...

793 posted on 12/22/2015 11:09:46 PM PST by null and void (I've been to Switzerland. I liked it, the flag's a big plus!)
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To: Monkey Face

Sooo, did you see the meteor?


794 posted on 12/22/2015 11:11:05 PM PST by null and void (I've been to Switzerland. I liked it, the flag's a big plus!)
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To: NoCmpromiz; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

795 posted on 12/23/2015 2:30:24 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: null and void

.....sailing close to the wind ,again...... :D


796 posted on 12/23/2015 2:42:55 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Good morning! Temperatures in the 70s and thunderstorms the next couple of days.


797 posted on 12/23/2015 2:44:06 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: Tax-chick

Morning,TC.
The Sun is out at the minute.....why.....what’s lurking out there?


798 posted on 12/23/2015 2:45:19 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Oh, why not?


799 posted on 12/23/2015 2:45:49 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

indeed!


800 posted on 12/23/2015 2:46:09 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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